A Freedom to Submit

The Journey to Now

2011-12-27T09:04:00.000-05:00

I have been absent. I have been absent from my blog, absent from life, absent from TTWD and absent from my self.

In May I got into some legal trouble. Not a great deal of trouble, but enough that it took my concentration away from every thing. I had court for most of the summer. It wrapped up in late August and I was relieved to have it finished.

Then came the depression. With this legal battle I had lost my job, some of my friends and a few family members. Most of all I had lost a sense of who I was.

A large portion of me was wrapped up in my job and volunteer work. They went hand in hand. It was all gone.

I fell into a slump that I could not escape. I stopped leaving the house. I stopped taking calls. I stopped getting online for the most part. I stopped being a wife and forgot how to be a sub. For the most part, I was an absent parent living in the same house.

On November 30 it got bad. I was at a breaking point and something had to give. I had started therapy a few weeks prior and digging up bones was making it worse for me. That night Aeon and my mother called our doctor. I had agreed to do what the on-call doctor advised. The on-call sent me to the ER. The ER sent me to the psych floor for a 72 hour hold.

I am doing better now. I am picking up my pieces and moving on with my life. Aeon and I are picking up the pieces of TTWD and moving forward slowly. The therapist thinks that TTWD is part of my identity and I need to reclaim as much of my identity as I am able. We are starting slow, but I must say it feels very right for both of us. It is nice to have a therapist that does not judge even if she does not understand.

I will be blogging twice a week to start. Just trying to get my feet wet again. I am attempting to catch up on 7 months worth of missed blog reading. You all have been very busy!

I ask that you be patient as I ease back into things. Give the chance to regain my momentum. For those that stuck around and did not jump ship...Thank you, thank you for being here when I came back.

Shhh...I have returned

2011-12-18T21:34:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post/pic. We made Christmas cookies tonight and this is what Aeon came up with...

More to come tomorrow and an apology for my absence.

Just A Peek

2011-05-23T10:40:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a peak.

A peak into what used to be and what maybe returning.

Last night as we prepared for the evening in a playful way and readied ourselves to enjoy a movie, Aeon smacked my rear end. Twice mind you and rather hard.

My heart stopped. My head hung and my bum stung on each side. When I looked up at him he was smiling. The smile across his mouth showed a jovial man. The smile in his his eye's however said "Hello, remember me? How far do you want to play this little game?"

As tempted as I was to play, I decided not to push it. For me it was enough to see that side of him again. To see that look that makes me quiver. To see the man I know slowly reappear.

So I won't push. I will show him I am serious. I will be more attentive. I will prove myself to him.

Those eye's gave me hope.

Peaceful, Easy Feeling

2011-05-22T11:24:00.000-04:00

It is 10:41a.m. in my neck of the wood right now. My 3 children are upstairs quietly enjoying a movie together and Aeon and I are lounging. Well to be honest, I am longing and Aeon is sleeping peacefully just inches away from me.

These are the days I enjoy. The silent tranquility of life, I love the feeling of just being with him. I a listening to the soft snore and right at this moment I find it soothing. I love when in his sleepy haze he reaches out to me. Sometimes just a little pat often times it's a grope to the chest with an incoherant giggle.

It's these momements, these mornings that help me to put life in perspective. I know that I could be up doing laundry or cleaning my room or being productive. Why, why do all that when I have this pleasant morning to enjoy? WHy push the day forward when I can lay here and enjoy just being next to him?

What comes to mind rigth now is The Eagles...enjoy.

The Moment When Clarity Was Found

2011-05-19T21:49:00.000-04:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking. Now what Aeon would tell you is that every time I do a lot of thinking something happens. We argue, I take on a city official, I send strongly worded e-mails to local papers, I speak at coucil meetings. Nothing big I just get a case of what we call in my house, THe Grinches, you see my heart doesn't grow 3 sizes that day but my theoretical balls do.

So here I am for the last week or so on suspension from work (that's another blog for another time) with far to much time on my hands. So I think. I think about what to paint the house, I think about my job, I think about my faith and I think a lot about TTWD. I think about how much I miss being his. Don't get this wrong, I am still his in marriage. We are still very much a family, a partnership. He is still my best friend. You see what I am sure some of you may understand is, yes, yes we are still married. Yes, we are still very much together. The difference is, we are not D/s. I am not his in the way that our marriage needs. I am not his in a way that he needs. I am not his in the way that I need. I do not feel complete. I know it isn't just me either. I know Aeon feels the same way.

The tension from all that is unspoken is heavy. No one quite knows what to say about what isn't happening. We fumble around each other like we just met most days. We try desperately to pretend that everything is ok. We put up a good front and smile. We are still affectionate. We still cuddle. Things are just missing.

With all this weighing on my mind as well as my heart, I have spent time thinking. Trying to find that moment when things changed. That solitary second or sequence of seconds when things stopped. I went over every argument, every crossed path, every interaction I could think of that would have altered our course. I made list's. I prayed for guidance. I thought non-stop.

It happened. Through three day's of intense cramps and migraines the haze cleared. I had a moment of clarity. You know that moment between all that is seen and unseen? That is the moment that I knew, I knew what happened. I knew how This Thing We Do turned into That Thing We Did. In that moment all became clear.

You see about a month ago, give or take a few days, Aeon and I and Tao had been discussing relationships. Just generalized discussion. When out of no where in particular, Aeon looks at me with his amazing eyes and says, "Things will change when I decide it is time to bring on another sub."

HELLO , McFly!!!! Aeon had never up until that point in time even entertained the notion of another sub! He does not even consider a poly relationship. This threw me. I remember feeling sick. I remember getting scared. I remember being haunted for several days with insecurities. What if she is more subby than me? What if she is more doting? What if she is prettier? What if she is thin? What if, what if, what if!

And that is when all hell broke loose. I didn't cry or scream or retort with sarcasm. Nope, instead I buried down deep and let it eat away at me. I let this statement destroy TTWD. I hid from it. I turned it into something destructive and ugly and let it chew at my core. It went unaddressed for so long that I didn't know what went wrong. So long that I am now sitting here telling all of you what happened because I am a big sissy lala and am afraid to tell AEON, who probably doesn't even remember the conversation.

Now I want to take credit for this moment of clarity, but, the reality is if it hadn't been for HSxx over at A Hidden Slave and this post in particular I would probably still be wondering around racking my migraine infested brain trying to figure out what happened. Thank you for helping to lead me to that moment of clarity. Your honesty has been my light.

Wednesday Rant...A Sphincter Said What?

2011-05-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

OK, so here I go! I know I just came back to my blog yesterday but I fell I have a completely real rant here!

Standing in my kitchen this evening I was faced with Aeon and his 2 buddies Tao (who lives here) and Rapture (who is a very old friend). The smell of peanut butter toast drifted into the living room luring me to the kitchen. So I mosey on in and request 2 pieces of peanut butter toast for my self. Aeon hands me the 2 he has just made and says have at them. I decline as I am picky and like mine to go
toast-->butter-->peanut butter. Aeon in a very serious tone responds with "Tough shit, take this way your way is to fattening for you."

Now mind you I am not a little girl. I have been working on my weight and on being healthy. On top of having had 4 kids I also have a chemical/hormonal imbalance that reeks havoc on my weigh. So, I was offended/hurt/mortified/pissed. I mean really, that was a necessary statement? I responded in turn (inappropriately) with something by the way of "Don't talk to me tonight you dick faced fuck hole!" I then stormed off to cry and have refused to talked to him when he entered the room and asked why I was being irrational!!!!

So in closing...That is what a sphincter said!!

Lost and Finding

2011-05-17T20:06:00.000-04:00

That's what I did. I lost my way. I over committed myself and lost my way. I lost many things actually.

...my sense of self

...my sense of direction

...my self respect

...my submission.

I let my self get tied up in fake priorities. No, that's not fair to say, many of the things I was doing had priority...just not the priority ranking that I gave them. I take full responsibility for what has happened. I accept that my submission being lost is my fault. I know many of you are saying it takes 2 and I agree to an extent. I know that some of you may be shaking your finger at Aeon right now because he "allowed" me to get lost. Reality of it is, I did this.

I put work, friends, self importance and pride ahead of all else. I pushed Aeon out of the equation. I ignored and defied him at every turn. I mocked his attempts to guide me. I took willful to a new level. I pulled away from him in so many way's. I rejected any affection he attempted to show me. I ignored his request's. I treated him coldly. I became unbearable to tolerate.

Through it all he tried. He eventually gave up TTWD, seeing that it was one sided. He never stopped trying to show me affection. He never stopped trying to show me love. He never stopped loving or caring for me. If anything he increased his efforts. He lavished me with affection. He doted on me. He tried to bring me around. Hell, for the last month he and I have slept on separate couches in the living room. He won't leave me in any way.

So what has brought me around you may ask? Well as with most things in life your perspective changes when your point of view does. Our family is experiencing a tribulation of epic proportion for us. In all that has happened recently I have had the time (due to a change at work) to reflect on my life. I have been given the chance to re-evaluate things. A chance to check my self before I wreck my self (a littles '80/'90's flash back). I have taken the time to exam my priorities and my desires and figure out what is what.

So here I am, again. I can not start in the middle or at the end, I have to begin at the beginning. It's only logical.

I offer my apologies to my Blogging family that I left behind. I hope to see you back as I re-start my journey. I left behind so many important things and people when I lost my way. Won't you please help me to get back on the path?

Under the Umbrella: True Stories

2011-04-08T09:14:00.000-04:00

Those of us in TTWD often talk about how we struggle. Our struggle to serve. Our struggle to submit. Our struggle to balance what for many is two lives. We talk about our families, our friends, our lovers and even our pets. As a community we bind ourselves to other bloggers and offer words of wisdom and encouragement. We share in each others pain. We laugh at each others stories and jokes. We become family.

In my effort to share Autism awareness, I am sharing with you some of my favorite vanilla blogs. These blogs all have one common factor, Autism. I am not asking you to follow them. i do not expect you to comment. I only ask that you check them out and maybe offer up a prayer, a blessing or an affirmation to whatever deity you observe.

Thank you for reading and thank you for giving these bloggers a chance.

http://lostandtired.com/

The struggles of a family with three Autistic boys scattered all over the spectrum.

http://www.stuartduncan.name/

A fathers outlook and point of view on the daily life of Autism.

http://www.autismarmymom.com/

One mom's personal battle in the Autism Army.

http://dailymommysurvival.com/

A mother's struggle with the life of raising three Autistic children and her own personal illness.

http://lifeintheaspiehouse.wordpress.com/

One families journey on the spectrum.

FFF- Her Possession

2011-04-08T07:28:00.005-04:00

She appeared to him in a blaze of heat and molten fire. He marveled in the beauty of her form. The way her skin seemed to change color in the light of the flames. He was amazed at the contours of her sex. The dripping wetness that shone like a flame between her thighs.

He had dreamed of her for years. He knew deep in his soul that she was his addiction. He needed to be with her. He needed to taste her. He needed her. He looked out at her with a desire that over took his being. He felt the swell below his belt. His sexual anguish was overtaking him.

She moved among the other men like breeze. Tempting them and bringing their sex to a pulsing throb. She laughed as she watched the turmoil she created among the men. She was in her time. She was the drug of choice to a room of men who wanted a fix. Only 2 would be chosen. 1 already had.

She approached him and knew him instantly. She had dreamed of him for years. She knew deep in her soul she was his addiction. She knew that he would give up all earthly things to be in her possession. She knew he was hers to have.

She took him in a blaze of heat and molten fire. She took him to be her’s.

Books!!

2011-04-05T11:39:00.000-04:00

So here we are. You are reading my blog and I am sitting on the couch typing away with the sounds of Will & Grace in the back ground. Prior to coming here to my blog I was wondering around the Internet. Of course as it happens so frequently I wondered my way back to Edenfantasys. We have previously established that I enjoy the complexities of the site.

Today I decided to visit a different portion of the site and found my self checking out The Naked Reader Book Club. As a self professed verbal voyeur, I love to read. I read any thing I can get a hold of. My bathroom alone is littered with books, magazines, catalogs and even newspapers. I have books in my car. I have a book in my purse. I have books downloaded on my laptop. I have at least 3 books started in my night stand drawer. Honestly, I even have a book on my phone. With all that in mind a book club is the next logical step.

I haven't officially joined yet. As it is I am a verbal voyeur. With that in mind I need to ~~stalk~~, I mean check it out and see if I am good fit and if the books are of interest to me. I need to obsess for a little bit about what goes on. I need to dwell on the unknown. That is of course my m/o for things.

So stay tuned wonderful readers, more info to come as my ~~stalking~~, checking things out begins. I am off now to go and begin my obsessing and dwelling.

Just A Word...

2011-04-04T12:11:00.000-04:00

When Dam is in a particularly Dommy mood, do not correct him on the size/shape of a cake pan in a oh so very sarcastic, I know more than you tone of voice.

Also, if he doesn't land the swat from the above mentioned remarks just so...DO NOT POINT IT OUT!!!!

Sunday was a day of ouchies for me!

Under the Umbrella

2011-04-01T09:20:00.000-04:00

My son is 10 and he is Under the Umbrella. He is diagnosed with a very high functioning Aspergers as well as severe anxiety and mild ADHD. If you spent time with him you would have know idea that anything is wrong. He is bright, as most Aspie's are. He is polite. My sister has 3 boys ages 11, 5 and almost 3, all three are on the spectrum/under the umbrella in some way, shape or form.

This month you will see my normal stuff but you will also see my heart. My heart belongs to these 4 boys. I will be talking to you about ASD(Autism Spectrum Disorders) and sharing some vanilla blog titles with you about Autism.

Many of you have helped to educate me with your post's about submission and TTWD. It is my turn to help educate and shed light on Autism.
How can you help the Autism community.....

Educate yourself. Know the signs.

Fails to respond to his or her name
Has poor eye contact
Appears not to hear you at times
Resists cuddling and holding
Appears unaware of others' feelings
Seems to prefer playing alone — retreats into his or her "own world"

Language

Starts talking later than age 2, and has other developmental delays by 30 months
Loses previously acquired ability to say words or sentences
Doesn't make eye contact when making requests
Speaks with an abnormal tone or rhythm — may use a singsong voice or robot-like speech
Can't start a conversation or keep one going
May repeat words or phrases verbatim, but doesn't understand how to use them

Behavior

Performs repetitive movements, such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping
Develops specific routines or rituals
Becomes disturbed at the slightest change in routines or rituals
Moves constantly
May be fascinated by parts of an object, such as the spinning wheels of a toy car
May be unusually sensitive to light, sound and touch and yet oblivious to pain

2. Be compassionate.

It's Autism not Leprosy. Try and understand that families affected by Autism and/or an Autism Spectrum Disorder are just trying to make it. Maybe that kid at the grocery store isn't a brat, maybe the florescent lights are to bright or the hum of them is to loud. Maybe the guy in church isn't rude when he doesn't shake your hand, it may just be a side effect of Autism.

3. Lend a hand.

What you may take for granted, such as the time you spend alone in the car on the way to grocery store or the trip to the Kink Depot with your D/s, M/s, O/p or other initial is something families in particular parents with Autistic children do not get much of.

Wednesday Rant...Maintenance Spanking

2011-03-30T09:40:00.000-04:00

Wednesday morning maintenance spanking at 6:30a.m. is Bull Crap!!!

Begin At The Beginning

2011-03-27T03:03:00.000-04:00

Recently while on Fetlife I read a post that very simply wanted to know how people began in TTWD. That question led me to think. I thought for days about this question. How did we, Aeon and I get started in TTWD? I mean obviously we didn't just wake up one day and decide that today is the day we would enter into a decision that would not only change our lives but also create a new dynamic for the two of us.

As I spent the last few days thinking I reached clarity on a few things. Aeon and I have been able to work through some of our issues. I have been able to talk to Aeon about my guilt and feelings of sinking. I have also been able to track back in my life to how we began.

I guess truth be told, there has always been some form of TTWD. In the beginning some 17 years ago when we both had no worries and very few fears. 17 years ago when we lived life on a day to day basis with now thought to the future. 17 years ago when life was only about living. 17 years ago when I look back that far we had a little of TTWD in us with out ever knowing what it was or that it had a name.

17 years ago when our 20's felt like everything we had a routine. We had a protocol. We had nightly snacks in bed of General Foods International Coffee for me and tea for Aeon. We had biscuits or cookies or toast with jam. We enjoyed our snack every night around the same time as we lay in bed naked watching Quantum Leap re-runs. Nothing broke these nightly rituals.

On nights that Aeon would leave, always on Saturday, he would sit with me and have a snack and tuck me in to bed. He would leave me with little instructions. Things like sleep on your back so I can touch you when I get home. Or something like sleep with the gloves on the pillow. Little words that carried so much importance to me. Little words that made me want to follow.

Other times when it was just a day to day life it would be little things. Wait for me at Crissy's or did you make me a plate. Be here at a certain time. Or something like wear this shirt today. Just little things. Little things that I did, not always happily or graciously but I did them. I did them because he asked. I did them because he wanted me to.

Over the years things would change. Sometimes for the better and often times not. But for 17 years we did our thing. Then about 3 or 4 years ago, I found information on the web. I found web sites and blogs and so much information I thought my brain would melt. I spent months reading and obsessing. And still at this point i didn't put together what Aeon and I had once been with what I was reading.

Over 3 or 4 years we tried to force our marriage to be something else. We tried to make ourselves be something else. I tried to make us be something else. We did this on and off for several years. Then last year tried again.We didn't push or try to make it something we just let it happen. We fell so to speak several times. But every time we got back up.

With all this it wasn't until today actually that I put the pieces together. It wasn't until I lay in the quiet stillness of the morning running my hands over his back that I realized what has always been in front of us. I finally saw what has always been. I finally saw the how the beginning began.

So back to the question, how did we begin, we began the day I looked in his eyes and led me. We began all those many years again. We began when I gave him, Aeon, my heart and he wrapped it up tight and held on to it. We began the day he said follow me with out ever saying a word.

What Can I Say...

2011-03-25T08:26:00.000-04:00

My 8 year old daughter's idea of an insole. We found 1 in each shoe this morning while getting ready for school. I laughed so hard I choked

An Honesty Post: Sinking

2011-03-23T03:59:00.000-04:00

I am sinking.

The stress of my job and the stress surrounding other outside family issues is sinking me. I feel like I am killing my marriage. Aeon and I have talked. We talk about my job and we talk about my/our family. We have talked about surface issues with us. When we attempt to talk about our D/s we argue. I walk away feeling like a failure.

Things have reached a new low for us. The other night after we had a disagreement Aeon stormed off up the steps. The next morning I reached in his night stand drawer to get out the paddle to prepare for the day and discovered it gone as well as our flogger, our cuffs and my collar and clamps. This led me to checking for other things. TO my dismay I discovered that our restraints had gone missing as well as the vinyl sheet that is made up under our regular sheets. When I mentioned this to Aeon he informed me that he is fed up and packed it all up.

My heart broke.

I am barely treading water right now. I have failed Aeon. I have failed myself. I am holding on to a job that no longer sustains me as it did before. I feel more alone now than I have in years. My marriage feels rocky to me. Aeon assures me our marriage it self is safe. However, we are missing a key component to our marriage.

I am sinking.

First Time for Everything

2011-03-04T20:32:00.000-05:00

Not long ago I blogged about the Rainbow Nights Paddle. Aeon and I had been mulling over the idea of getting a paddle. Well to be honest I was putting it off and he was asking about it. With great trepidation i gave in and placed this order earlier this week. Today was the day. The most wonderful UPS man delivered our package. 1 under the bed restraint system and 1 Rainbow Nights Paddle.

After inspecting it and flexing it and just generally tormenting me with it Aeon handed it over to me to have a look see. Now at this point I must say I believe I took leave of my senses as I pulled back and whacked Aeon on the thigh with the paddle. The look on his face did not register playful or happy or pain. The look on his face registered trouble. Trouble for me that is.

This is were 2 of my firsts came in. Aeon very calmly, too calmly really instructed me to come to him on the couch and go over his knees. Now you see folks, I have been spanked with his hand. I have spanked with the crop and I have been flogged. Always while being bent over the side of the bed or the couch. I have never gone OTK until today. Also as mentioned I have never been paddled. The paddle was delivered over the jeans. I am unsure as to how many landed but would guess in the 20's range of things. Folks let me say this, jeans or not I felt every swat that landed. I felt the heat rise on my bottom. It hurt. It made a point. It left a red rear end for about an hour and a half later.

Aeon has decided that the paddle will not be a pleasure toy. It will not be a toy at all. It will be for the purpose of punishment and/or discipline. He has also decided that maintenance spankings will begin. He feels (and he is right) that my bouts of bratty and bitchy behavior warrants maintenance spankings.

I believe folks that my bottom and I are in for a much warmer climate so to speak.

Wednesday Rant: Spending Time Aeon Style

2011-03-02T21:16:00.000-05:00

This Wednesdays Rant is brought to you by: Being Ignored!

Earlier today Aeon called to say he was going to hang out at his buddies house. All was fine and plans had been made so I was planning on a quiet evening at home with the kids. About 15 minutes later Aeon called to report that he would be staying home and makng dinner and that we would be able to spend time together. This was a great idea! I was more than pleased!

Talk about false adverting! Here is a pic of the back of Aeon!

This is the only side of him I will until around 11 or so tonight! His idea of spending time is to be in the same room with me! He plays his computer game on line with 2 friends and talks to them! I sit on the couch and get steaming mad!

So here we are "spending time together". I am suppose to be ok with this. I am suppose to smile and be all happy to be in his presence. I am suppose to be all good subby and not sit back and heckle him and his friends as the characters they play croak! Screw that!

Sunday Stealing - 7 Deadly Sins

2011-02-27T20:13:00.000-05:00

I rarely do a meme but today I was in the mood. I saw this on the Mystic Satyrs blog and just had to have it! And let's face it the Catholic in me can not pass up 7 Deadly Sin's! It is after all Sunday Stealing and a sin is a sin!

1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself.

I am brilliant.
I have awesome cleavage.
I am well read.
I am compassionate.
I am generaly great.
I am playful.
I am far from humble.

2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.

$$$$$$
Time with friends.
Patience.
My pre-baby(4 to be exact) body.
1974 Road Runner with a 350 engine!! Vroom!
Chocolate
Bob Seger tickets

3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.

Ignorance! No excuse for it!
Poor manners.
Bad service in a restaurant/store/public service area
Lack of loyalty!
Dishonesty
Child abuse of ANY kind!
The court system

4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.

Shave my legs on a regular basis.
Dust
My make up
Return call's promptly
Blog on regular basis
Read blog's regularly
Call my dad.

5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.

A big city style house
A latex/pvc/vinyl wardrobe
A 7 day Caribbean cruise
My own business
Great credit
A brand new off the show room floor vehicle
A library in my home.

6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.

Dark chocolate, the darker the better. I love it and will NOT share it!
Milk shakes. I will sneak 1 when ever I can.
Books. See verbal voyeur.
Blogs. Again see verbal voyeur.
Facebook. I love the games!
Music. I have probably enough music to take me through a few days with out repeat.
Me time.

7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

I have been in 2 threesome's in my life. Both F/F/M.
I long to see a woman go down on Aeon.
I fantasize about a poly relationship for Aeon and I.
I have loved only 2 men. Aeon and my high school sweet heart Dawg.
I have loved 1woman in my life.
I think Bram Stoker's Dracula is the ultimate love story.
I love it when Aeon is "playful" in public.

What's In A Name

2011-02-27T16:01:00.000-05:00

Aeon: an immeasurably or indefinitely long period of time (as defined by Websters)

I read many blogs. As I have mentioned before I am a BIT of verbal voyeur. I love the glimpses of all of your lives that I get. I love to read about your day and of course your night. I find my self in tears at times when you suffer. I am often angry when I feel you are mistreated. I love my blogs.

What I find myself wondering from time to time is where did you get you "names"? I know that many of us have a pen name that we use and my curious mind just wonders how it came to be. With that in mind I will start with me.

Aeon is my hubby/Dom. Aeon is obviously not his given name but it is the name his friends have given him. He really does seem to just have always been there. He is the rock in his group of friends or "brothers" as they refer to each other. Aeon is the corner stone. He goes by other monikers as well. Chaos (spelled with a K). Again very fitting for Aeon. He has at times been very unpredictable and hard to follow.

So why Aeon's Angel? Well simply put it is who/what I strive to be. I strive to be his angel. I strive to always be the one that supports him any way. I am his. Being Aeon's Angel gives me something to strive for. It gives me focus.

Years ago in a blog far, far away and since deceased I went by legion. Many close friends still know me as Legion. As I have mentioned before I am diagnosed bipolar. Before I was medicated and received therapy my mood swings had a mind of there own. I was bad. And on the off chance I had imbibed a few to many I was know for quoting 7of 9 from Star Trek: Voyager "We are many you are one. Resistance is futile." Dorky I know, but hell if it didn't stick!

So my friends here we are back at 2 of the oldest questions; What's in your name? and of course Where did it come from?

My Opinion's ...Take Them or Leave Them

2011-02-25T19:02:00.000-05:00

Fabulous Friday Evening my friends!

As we have discussed in previous post's I am a HUGE fan of Edenfantasys. Aeon and I have purchased a few things and have several more things on the list. With that in mind I thought it was my civic duty to give my oppinion to the world. Let's face it people I love to give my opinion wanted or not. So off I went.

Aeon and I used each product a number of times before I finally settled in to my desk and product in hand or near by started my review. As of right now I have posted 3 reviews with another on the way. My current reviews are the Crave Strap Whip, the Crave Collared Nipple Clamps and the Waterproof Remote Egg.

Go ahead go check them out! You know you want to!

Needy

2011-02-25T15:31:00.003-05:00

I am sitting here waiting. Waiting on my wonderful husband/D to come home. Waiting to kiss him. Waiting to see him here in the warmth and comfort of our home. I am anxious to see Aeon because

I am having a needy week.

I just want to be with him.

I want him close to me.

I want him to be in touching distance.

I am annoid with my behavior.

I am kind of put off with my need to be near him.

I feel like a teen age girl.

I call him just to call him.

No reason,

no need,

nothing to say really

I just want to hear him.

Please tell me I am not alone. Tell me I am not the only one out there that goes through this.

2011-02-24T10:39:00.001-05:00

Having 1 of those wishing I was home in his arm's kind of days. I would give anything to feel him spank me right this very moment. I feel alone today.

Wednesday Rant...Vanilla Style

2011-02-23T09:36:00.004-05:00

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*****DISCLAIMER*****

This is a very vanilla post. Strictly vanilla in fact. It is full of bitchy, whiny, mean spirited, obnoxious ranting! You have been warned! Proceed at your own risk!

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I am angry. Ia m angry at the idea that people will take advantage of any situation and/or illness to make things go the way they want.

I am an aunt. I have at total 7 nephews, 6 nieces, 1 niece in-law and 1 great nephew. I am proud to be an aunt. Among this menagerie of family I have 2 nephew's that are on the Autism Spectrum. 1 is what is considered preverbal and developmentally delayed. He is nearly 3 and tests at the level of an 11 month old. He is adorable and squishy and cute and I love him beyond belief. The other is 12 and is diagnosed Aspergers, bipolar, scizoaffective, pica and adhd. He is brilliant. He is artistic and detailed and builds amazing Lego creations.

My sister who is the youngest in our family is the mother of these 2 boys. She also has an almost 5 year old son who is so very much normal and yet she is so desperate to label him. Her husband is just as guilty. They do not see the good in any of the 3 of these boys. They see only the label. The diagnosis. That is what these boys are. They are a reason for why they do not have to function in society. They are the reason why they should have preferential treatment. They use these 3 boys for the purpose of guilt and brow beating family, friends and all others who cross the path of them.

I work at a private school. I am a pre-k aid. We are battling families who do not wish to pay or can not pay the tuition for school. I run a program called T.A.W.P.-Tuition Assistance Work Program. I track the hours that families work at the school and we deduct it from the overall bill for tuition so that families with financial hardship can still send the kids to school. For the most part parents are willing to help. We have a few however that are not. My sister for 1.

My sister and brother in law who use the plight of 2 of the children in the hopes of getting others to feel sorry for them. They can not possibly be expected to pay tuition as they are financially distraught and can only afford the basics. By basics let me be clear, top of the line cell phones and X-Box 360 games for the brother in law and of course pizza, Chipoltle and Panera. They also can not be expected to do work for tuition because they again have these children on the spectrum an my sister has fibro. They can not be expected to be held to the same standards because they are struggling.

I know that I sound heartless. I know that I sound like a lunatic. I know that I sound bitter. I am. I am bitter. I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. I am fed up. I want my 5 year old nephew to have the best. I want my sister and brother in law to be happy. At the same time I want my family to be held to the same level of responsibility as all others. I want them to not use the misfortune of the babies to make others feel bad for them. I want them to ask for help not to expect it from all around them. I want our families not to be hostages to the whims of them. I want them to grow up.

I want my boss to cave into them and fall for the crap they spew. I want my boss to see things clearly. I want him to go back and read the blog they keep and see how not even 3 months ago my brother in law slammed the school and the church. I want him to hold them accountable.

I am tired of people in a very general sense manipulating others and emotionally blackmailing them. I am fed up with the use of medical terminology as a weapon. I am bored with crocodile tears and weepy crap and sad sob stories that change more frequently than the cost of gas. I am tired of self entitled, self righteous, pity me martyrs running around dictating.

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*****Rant Over*****

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An Open Letter to Aeon

2011-02-18T07:28:00.004-05:00

Dearest Aeon,

It is nights like last night that reaffirm my desire and need to submit to you. I know the last 2 weeks have been rough and you and I have not been able to connect on any level. I know that for both of us this is type of upset is dangerous in our dynamic.

Last night I saw you. For the first time in a few weeks I saw you. I saw the man that has the ability to lead me. I saw the man that makes me want to let it all go and just be. I saw the man I would crawl to and for. I saw the man that makes me want to sit at his feet. I saw the man who is the D to my s. I saw you.

I woke up this morning and I feel renewed. I feel more able to serve you. I feel more at peace. I woke up this morning and knew that I was yours. I woke up and just wanted to be.

It wasn't the biting. It wasn't the tugging. It wasn't even the hair pulling that showed me you last night. It was you. It was your eyes. It was was your presence of being. It was the aura of control and the sound of your voice. It was you.

I am back. In all my sub glory, I am back. I am dedicated. I am willing. I am humbled. Most of all and probably most importantly, I am yours.

With Love,

Your Angel

2011-02-13T21:24:00.003-05:00

I am a mess! I have worked 10+ hour days for the last week, went car shopping with Aeon on Saturday and taught Sunday School and had church and family Sunday lunch today. I am exhausted!

I am in the middle of a rather LARGE and pricey project at work. Schedules are prime and must be met to avoid our center being closed. The wonderful experts that helped set things up for our center forgot things like mandatory inspections and building permits! Now it's crunch time and I am acting as project manager to fix the screw ups the oh so degreed and experienced so called professionals made!

Thursday was my longest day. I had a 10 hour work day and 2 hours of Girl Scouts after. This as many may know is cookie season. Cookie season brings out the dumb ass in normal parents! They become greedy, conniving and dense! I can hardly wait for march when cookie time has past!

I spent 6 hours over 2 days car shopping with Aeon. With each car that did not make the cut or was out of his price range he became more grumpy. By the time we got to the last lot I was ready to throw my self in front of a semi! Thankfully the last lot brought us a good outcome!

At 11:30pm last night I realized I had NO lesson plan for Sunday School! With that in mind I did what any self respecting Sunday School teacher would do...I bought donuts and brought in a Veggie Tale movie. Lazy, you bet! The kid's liked it and I was safe from ridicule by the other Sunday School teachers.

After church today we loaded up and headed to lunch. The kids laughed and carried on and Aeon and I talked. It was nice and relaxing and helped us all to connect as a family. After we returned home we all settled in on couches, beds and even the floor and took a nap. It wasn't planned that way but obviously it was needed!

Now you may be asking why in the world I told you all of this. Well truth be told it was simply because this is how time got away from me this week. I am a week behind on all of your blogs and it will take me days to catch up. I will catch up and comment and laugh and maybe cry and probably be bitchy about some of you but I will catch up.

To Paddle or Not to Paddle

2011-02-08T20:58:00.004-05:00

While trying to console myself over my team's horrible loss I decided to go and visit my new found love...EdenFantasys. I know i have become gushy and kind of obsesive, but I just adore the sight!

While on my visit Aeon suggested I look for a paddle. Now this took me back for a moment as we only just got our flogger. However, he explained that he wants something with a more contained area than the flogger that has maximum coverage as opposed to our crop. As he is Aeon and as he pointed out, my questions and attitude are the reasons any of these implements are a "need" and not a "want". With this being said he made his point.

Off I went on the search for a paddle that was not girly, fluffy or unassuming. As I thought this would be an easy task, I was wrong. Picking out your own paddle to be used on your own bottom is frustrating. I spent two hours or more going over and over paddles before choosing the one.

The Rainbow Nights Paddle is a beauty. It looks like it should be framed!

The decision has been made and the paddle will be ordered. More to come folks!

Bring Me a Ring!

2011-02-06T13:02:00.002-05:00

2011-02-05T17:58:00.004-05:00

That is precisely what I have done. I have committed to dealing with it.

I have never been a whiner. This little bout I have had is so very unlike me and not very impressive. I am a take charge, grab the bull by the horns kind of chick. At least I always have been until recently. Recently I have been a whiner.

I have a plan. I am going to talk to Aeon tonight about what is/isn't going on. I have topic points typed complete with bullets. I am even assembling a power point. I know that sound a bit much but it's me. If I knew how to embed video I would share it later.

My point is this, from this point forward I am done!

I am done whining
I am done being counter productive in my own life.
I am done waiting for change to happen.
I am done assuming Aeon knows what is wrong.

Famous Last Words

2011-02-04T01:52:00.003-05:00

Are you mad about something? Are you mad about something? Really these are the words you want to ask me at 1:42 in the morning! At that hour knowing that you have to be up in just under 5 hours you pick that moment to ask if I am mad about something! When you have basically ignored me for the past several days! When you have been so self obsessed that you barely hold me at night! When you have blown off TTWD for days! Now, now you want to ask if I am mad about something!

So what happens, if I answer I am selfish and not taking into consideration your work schedule and when you have to up! If I deny and it comes out later then it is still my fault for not being honest! So I avoid. I don't confirm or deny. I make a noncommittal statement and carry on downstairs with my blanket to blog about it.

Am I mad about something? Of course I am mad about something! I am mad about several things! I am mad about everything! I am mad about nothing! I am mad as hell! I am so frustrated!

I know what is to be said. I know how many of you feel. I appreciate all of your help. Right now I just want to be mad! I just want to be angry! I just want to b

With all that being said I leave you with this.....

Words of Wisdom from Slave Isabelle

2011-02-03T11:58:00.003-05:00

"When you think about it, you're still a slave since you always have someone to report to."

What truer words have been spoken? As many of you no from this post I struggle with transitions. This problem continues to plague me on a regular basis. Recently, Tuesday evening to be exact, I was involved in chat on Submissive Guide. The wonderful Luna host's a topic related chat on the SG. I find them helpful and it provides me with a sense of community. After we had chatted about this week's topic, Helpful Books and Websites, things just opened up.

I had mentioned my transitioning problem. Going from vl to home and how it affects me. I ended up chatting primarily with the wonderful Slave Isabelle. She was quite friendly and very helpful. I have since taken the last few days and nights covered in snow and ice to read about her from the beginning. Among the many insightful and helpful things she said the biggest was what I posted on top and I will again post now:

"When you think about it, you're still a slave since you always have someone to report to."

That sentence has given me much to think about since Tuesday evening. While I have not had a chance to put it in motion as we have had 3 snow days in a row. I do however run it through my mind over and over. When I dissected it (and I did because that's what I do) it rang true in so many way's. I always have some one to answer to. I always have a strict set of rules to abide. I am always faced with consequences, some more severe than others, if I fail to live up to those rules. I am never truely without a Master or a Dom. Now granted typically I call them boss but you get the point.

Now some of you reading this may say "But I am not a slave I am a sub." Doesn't really matter. Insert proper title as needed. The truth is it fit's. It fit's in vanilla life just like it fit's at home.

I was advised by others to find a focus to bring myself back. That is something I am working on with Aeon's help. I will keep you all posted and just want you to know that I appreciate all the wonderful encouragement and wisdom that you take the time to pass on.

On Tonights Menu: Bitter Bitch With A Side Of Rant

2011-01-26T23:07:00.002-05:00

I called Aeon this morning at work and told him I was having one of "those" days. You know the kind. The day you have when you feel off. You feel like something is wrong but you can not see/feel what exactly it is.

He said he understood. He said we spend some time together. He said we would work it out.

I believed him.

I knew he had been having a rough couple of days as well. I knew that between work and our kids he was struggling. I knew he needed a little him time. With that in mind I told him I would get the kids after I got off of work. That alone would give him about an hour and a half to two hours alone. Not a lot but something. I thought it would be good for both of us.

I came home in a bit of a mood after dealing with a very cranky 7 year old. I tried to come around. I wanted to improve. It didn't happen. Part of the problem was Aeon. He flipped right into the mode of "Oh hunny you are over reacting." I love it when he is patronizing!

He watched television. I read blog's. He ignored me. I pouted and felt discouraged. He played his online game for two hours or more. I pulled further into me.

Now it is almost bedtime. He is outside with his friends playing shoot 'em up games with air pistols. I am in the living room writing a post and being blah.

I reached out to him. I needed him. I needed time with him. I needed more than just a little television time or a movie. I need time with him. I need to feel like a part of him. I need to be important him.

I asked a question to him and his brother. If a body is cremated after death does it affect reincarnation? Tao (Aeon's brother) is a brainiac and could not help but answer. Aeon continued playing his game and just grunted a tad. My question was thinly veiled sarcasm. Had he asked why I was asking this I would have told him. I would have told him that if I believed in reincarnation (and I don't) I would want to come back as his buddy Rapture who seems to be the be all end all of Aeon's life. I would want to come back as someone or something that is important to Aeon.

Heaven knows that that person/place/thing is not me. At least not today or for the last few day's.

Well folks for dessert we will be having a lovely plate of despair with a dollop of self loathing garnished with curls of depression.

A Web Browsing Good Time

2011-01-25T22:48:00.002-05:00

Recently I posted about my newest fixation, Edenfantasys. I have spent hours and I do mean hours, pouring over the web site. I have built with my own 2 little hands and my laptop a quite extensive Wish List. Every day I go on line and find my self staring at the pages of yummy goodness that they have to offer.

It is Edenfantasys pages of happy thoughts that brought me to my wonderful collar/clamp combo as well as my brand new and 1st ever flogger! And by the way...THEY MATCH!! I know not important to most but to me it is important I am a matchy person.

I have yet to randomly search for anything that doesn't pop up. Dildo's? They got 'em! Vibes? You bet! Lotions? Of course! Candles, floggers, clamps and strap on's! Oh MY!!

I want to go on. I want to gush more. I want you to stop reading this blog for now and go and experience the happiness for your self!

FFF- The Predator

2011-01-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

She sat bathing in the moon light. Her thoughts were her own and she believed she was alone with them.

I stood just off the tree line admiring her luscious breasts. Her perky nipples rich and dark stiffened under the evening breeze. I wanted her. I wanted to feel the soft wetness between her long legs. I wanted her moans to come deep into my mouth.

I shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t be naked kneeling in the moonlight. I should be working. I should be tending to campers. I should be watching for fires.

Instead, I am hiding in the tree’s stalking a woman of great loveliness. I am not patrolling for bears or raccoons as Ranger should.

I am the predator.

Transitions

2011-01-12T19:01:00.004-05:00

How do you do it? How do you transition from one part of your day to another?

For me it is difficult. I easily slide into my vanilla life. The life of a Sunday school teacher/ Girl Scout leader/preschool aide/program manager. That is my vanilla life. In my vanilla life I run stuff. I run things like crazy. I organize events and facilitate big money programs for my boss. In vanilla life people listen to me. I am the H.B.I.C.(Head Bitch in Charge).

Then I come home. When I come home I am no long the H.B.I.C. I am no longer the project manager. I am no longer the leader. I am the submissive. I am the lover. I am the mother and the wife. I am told what to do. I am told when things need done. I am told to listen and obey.

Folks let me be honest here and tell you, I suck! I am not transitioning well. I am not making the switch from vanilla life to home life very well. I am not succeeding the way I should.

Aeon is frustrated. As he should be. He feels I am not giving it my all. He feels I am being purposefully petulant. I am letting him down. I do very well when I don't have to transition. I do very well when I am home with him. I do great when there is no confusion.

I am unsettled. I feel out of sorts. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am useless. I do not want to let him down. I do not want to disappoint him. I do not want him to be frustrated. I am devastated by the fact that I keep letting him down.

I was home today because of the snow. No transition to be made. No need to go fro H.B.I.C. to subby wife. I stayed subby wife and mom all day. I never needed to switch rolls. It has been peaceful. I need to learn to make this transition work. I need to learn how to go from one to the other.

I need help.

Something You Should Know...

2011-01-12T03:10:00.003-05:00

I have found a new addiction! It's not food or drugs or drink or gambling. It's not sex or porn or even masturbation. So what is it you may be asking? Well that's easy. It is a web page! To be more accurate it's an experience!

You see I landed on the EdenFantasys web page courtesy of an email I received from Jz. You see I was very interested in a flogger an Jz was willing to give me some ideas. Both floggers are available from EdenFantasys. One is pink and I just have a difficult time seeing Aeons big, strong hands wrapped around a pink flogger. The other is the Purple Crave Strap Whip. This my friends is the flogger we will be going with.

I am very excited! This will be our very first flogger! I can hardly wait to place my order and experience the thrill of delivery and the feeling of the flogger!

Oh my blogging friends, there will be so much more to come on this topic! I promise!

Yes Sir

2011-01-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

" We are not having sex tonight. What we have is a lifestyle, not just pillow talk. Do you understand?"

As I laid cuddled up against him with his hand on my over my mouth. I was safe and cozy. As he whispered in his husky tones to me I felt my heat rise. I whimpered and wiggled in a wanton sort of way. I wanted him more now than if he had said nothing and just went to sleep.

"Do you understand?" My only response as he released his hand from my mouth and moved it to my throat was "Yes Sir." I understood quite well that he was making a point. I understood that he wanted me to know how he felt about TTWD. I understood for a moment.

I understood until he bit down on the soft flesh in the crook of my neck. I understood until he he removed his hand from my throat used to squeeze my left breast. I understood what he was saying until he took my already hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger and tugged and pinched it until I moaned in desire. I understood that he was serious about our decision until he whispered sweet dirty words into my ear. I understood until I felt his nails biting into the rounded flesh of my breast.

I no longer understood. I was confused. I knew hot wet with desire and need I was. I knew he was hard and strong behind me. I knew that I wanted him desperately at that point. So I asked.

"Why if we are not going to have tonight are you doing this? I know how much I want you and how very wet I am. I know how hard you are. So why i this if we are not going to have sex tonight?" I asked this question while he squeezed my left breast with his nails biting into the rounded flesh. I asked this question with anticipation that he had changed his mind.

"Because I can. Because this is what I want. I want you to remember this. I want you to think about this tomorrow. I don't want you to touch yourself. Do you understand? You are not to touch yourself tonight or tomorrow."

My only response was of course "Yes Sir. I will not touch myself. Never without permission." I hated those words even as I said them. I wanted to nothing more than touch myself and bring about my sweet release. I wanted to go to the point of no return. I wanted.

I begged Aeon. I begged him not for my own release but to allow me to help him feel release. I begged to let me take him to the point of no return. I begged him to let me help him. It was fruitless begging.

"Tomorrow as a reward you will choose dinner, anything you want. You will choose a movie or tv show for us to watch together. Tomorrow night I will bathe you before bed. As a reward for being so good and trying so hard."

I went to sleep curled in his strong arms with my head on his chest. I slept with the images of his hands on my body.I slept with the knowledge that I had done well. I slept with the heat that was engulfing me from deep between my thighs.

Bath Time

2011-01-03T13:25:00.005-05:00

"Watch how I shave tonight. You will be shaving me from now on."

That is what the text said. I knew I would be bathing him. I looked forward to bathing him. I looked forward to washing away the remnants of the day from his skin. I looked forward to taking care of him. Shaving him made me nervous and excited all at one time.

I washed out the tub and made sure he had a clean, fresh, fluffy towel. I gathered all of his supplies and lined them up. I ran a nice, hot, relaxing bath for him. I watched as he sank down into the water letting it caress his body as I wanted

to.

I lathered him up and washed him with care. I washed his hair and his back. I washed his strong chest. I gently washed his manhood. We talked as this went on. We chit chatted about the day and mundane things. I took pride in what I was doing. I enjoyed serving him in this way.

When he was clean he asked for his shaving things. I watched intently as he applied the hot cloth to his face and explained its significances. I watched wit

h quiet anticipation as he he applied the gel. I listened as he told me how he shaves and why and I studied his every movement.

I asked to watch 1 more time. I explained that his goatee makes me nervous. The 2 little patches under his lip are very small and I am very worried about messing them up. He chuckled just a bit and decided that he would shave those and I would shave the rest.

This is a big step for us. This is a privilege for me. A new way for me to serve him. A very intimate way to serve him. I am nervous but willing. I want to serve Aeon well. I want him to be pleased. I want him.

Begin Again

2011-01-01T19:14:00.005-05:00

Today Aeon and I reaffirmed our commitment to TTWD. We had decided to make it official after discussing it. I am aware of my self now. More aware than I have ever been before. I know more about what motivates me and I am doing my best and have been for several months to rectify things.

I have not always been compliant. I asked for this. Yes, I asked for it. I presented to Aeon in typical me form a folder of examples from web sites and a proposal of sorts. It was neatly put together with a list of what was in the folder in order it was arranged. It was very business like. I tend to be very "form Letter" when I am nervous.

We sat and discussed it like adults and weighed the pros and con's of the situation. He expressed that he felt I was still trying to control things in the guise of giving him control. Needless to say this only lasted a few weeks.

Then we tried again. We tried to embrace the life again. We tried to force our way into something we just weren't ready for yet. We failed. I couldn't/wouldn't submit. He couldn't/wouldn't dominate. It was hectic and forced and clumsy. It failed again. We failed again.

So again not so long ago we tried. We did better. It was rough, but we did better. We tried harder. We worked harder. That was the problem. We worked. We took the fun out being together. We took the joy from TTWD. We made it work.

So here we are today. We know that there is work. We know that there are things to be learned. We know that this will not be easy. So we go hand in hand to take this journey. I put my trust in Aeon. I put my faith in Aeon. I believe in us both. I know that the best thing for us is for me to submit to him and for him to control.

I received an email from my vf this morning wishing me a Happy New Year. She made a 1/2 hearted attempt at an apology for her comments and questions. This is a statement all cut and paste from her email.:

"I hope that 2011 brings you peace. The kind of peace that helps you to see your reality. I pray that in 2011 you will come to realize your worth and to value yourself. When you are ready to face the truth and move forward to being a more true version of you I am here for you."

It is this statement that makes me say 1/2 hearted. What vf fails to realize is that 2011 will bring me the things. With my re commitment to Aeon and TTWD peace is not far behind. In my relationship with Aeon and TTWD I have been able to realize my true value and my worth as a person. The true version of myself is in the service I give/provide to Aeon.

I am ready for a year of peaceful service and love. I am ready to embrace my submissive nature and to honor Aeon's dominance. I am loved by Aeon in a way that can not be expressed in words or conventional ways. My blessings are abundant.

This morning as Aeon and I laid in bed covered by our oh so wonderful latex sheets, he began to explore my body. I take great pleasure in his touch and the feel of the latex always puts me in a floaty place. As we played and enjoyed each other Aeon granted me an orgasm. It was quite wonderful and I was thrilled. When I made an attempt to give him 1 he stopped me and said no. I was taken back by this and instantly thought I had done something wrong. Aeon held me close to him and stroked my hair and whispered to me that he just wanted me to see what was to come and to know that I am valued. With that being said I drifted off into a very peaceful sleep.

Aeon and I are off now on our journey. It will be tough at times and require effort on both our parts but I have faith we are ready for it.

Submissive v/s Co-Dependant

2010-12-30T15:20:00.006-05:00

Recently I was chatting with a vanilla friend about Aeon and I. She had questions about TTWD and seemed curious. The conversation was casual and seemed to have a natural flow for a time. Then she became quiet and a little fidgety. When I asked her if I had made her uncomfortable with my answers and with my life style she sighed heavily and asked me this question:

"Is what you do really submission or is it an excuse for women to be co-dependant?"

I was stunned. I felt as if I had been slapped (and not in the good way!). Here I had been opening up to my vf, who seemed open minded and understanding, when she nails me with this. She is 1 of maybe 3 or 4 of vf's that know about my life and blog. I keep things private because I work for a church in the pre-k. I thought I was ok to express with her. My stunned look seemed to satisfy her. Before I was able to respond she continued with her rant.

"I think this kind of "thing" set's women's rights back 100's of years!" I think you are missing the point of women's rights vf. The point is that women have RIGHTS. We have the right to choose how we love, who we love and what we do with our love for instance. "I think you are just lonely and desperate for attention." At time yes I am lonely. At times I am desperate for attention. At times I am just here. But to that point vf aren't we all like that sometimes?"Have you talked to a professional about this?"Yes I have. When I was in therapy last year I discussed my D/s marriage with my therapist who was well versed and stressed the use of SSC."AA why would you willing let a man do things to you?"I let him love me. I let him lead me. I let him be there for me.What the hell is wrong with that?"I think this is because you are a child of abuse and have been in dv relationships in the past."Oh WTF ever! That would be reason enough not to do TTWD wouldn't you think! "What do your kids think? Do you care about how this affects them?" The kids think that mom and love each other. The kids think that I care about my husband. The kids think that it must be dinner because mom is cooking! WTH kind of ignorant question is that!

This is just a small sample of the barrage of questions, accusations and statements she hit me with. I think these are the one's that hurt the most. I answered. I explained. I protested. She balked. She huffed. She judged. I felt like I was on trial. I felt violated. I felt betrayed.

My response are in black vf's(vanilla friend) questions are in red. I kind of lost composure a few times. I was frustrated and annoyed.

My question to you dear readers is this: Have you ever found your self in a similar situation and how would you have handled it?

The Smack, 4 Little Words and Questions

2010-12-27T15:17:00.008-05:00

I don't know how to begin. You see this could very well be a scatter brain post. So much is going on and so much is different. It would be very easy to say just begin at the beginning. Problem with that being I am unsure about what the beginning is. So I guess we will try the old first thing that comes to mind I will cover.

1)The Smack.

I recently posted about a smack. My wants, desires and love of the smack. I love the feeling of the stinging skin. The sound of the hand landing. I love it. I love every thing about it. Now if you read the previous post then you know this. What you don't know is that I have had a wish granted. That's right faithful readers I have had a wish granted. Wish granted I hear the thought running around your mind. Recently during an encounter Aeon and I had I became gutsy and asked for what I wanted. I asked Aeon to smack me on the face.

I was scared. I was nervous. I was hot beyond belief. Aeon was nervous and a little noided out by my request. However he did it. He smacked me with just the right amount of force. He smacked me and something happened. I responded. I responded like a some porno babe. I went wild. My entire body felt the smack and the next one and the one after that. The smacks didn't come one right after the other he space them and I loved each delicious 1.

We talked about it after as we lay in bed in a cuddle. He is still unsure how he feels about it but was quite pleased and surprised by my response.

2) 4 Little Words.

Last night he said 4 little words. 4 words that made me melt. 4 words that have rang in my soul all day. 4 words that brought me more peace than I could imagine. 4 words that reaffirm for me our decision to be in a D/s relationship. 4 magical words. 4 words that make me feel like a princess. What are those 4 little words you may be asking yourself? Well friends I am so glad you asked that question!! Those 4 little words he said to me are...You Belong To Me.

That's it. Those are the 4 little words. You Belong To Me! I am still head over heels thinking about today. I belong to him! It's an affirmation. It's a security blanket. Those 4 little words are like heaven to me.

3) Questions

I am looking to purchase my 1st (yes I said 1st!) vibe. With that in mind I have become completely overwhelmed with the amount of choices on the market. I would like something battery operated, prefer remote and some what discreet. Does any one in blogosphere have any suggestions or recommendations?
I am a strong willed, mouthy chick. As you may guess this a source of turmoil for Aeon and I in our D/s relationship. Please pass along any wise words you may have.
Aeon and I have talked about nipple clamps in the past. Again the choices on the market are vast and overwhelming. What is a good starter set? What should I look for?

Well all my Aeon is returning and I long to be with him. if any one is willing to lend some advice I am open. Thank you for sticking around and for returning to the blog. I hope all of you have had an amazing holiday season so far.

FFF- I Imagine 12/10/2010

2010-12-10T00:53:00.000-05:00

I Imagine

I imagine the feeling of her hand on my breast as she strokes you.

I imagine tasting her on your tongue.

I imagine pressing our breasts together.

I imagine the feeling of her nails pressing into my flesh.

I imagine the feeling of your fingers deep inside of me.

I imagine her lips wrapped around you, you shivering with desire as you fill her mouth.

I imagine the long kiss she and I will share as we share the flavor of you.

I imagine the feeling of your manhood growing strong again between our tongues.

I imagine this night as I drift off in your arms to sleep.

I Want You...

2010-12-07T12:30:00.003-05:00

I want you.

I want you home with me.

I want to be pressed up close to you.

I want to feel your hands on my flesh.

I want to touch you.

I want to run my fingers over your body.

I want to flick my tongue across your nipple.

I want to feel your strong hands squeeze at my breasts.

I want to feel the sting of the smack on my ass.

I want to wrap my lips around the hardness of your cock.

I want to feel your fingers wrapped and pulling at my hair.

I want to hear the low growl of pleasure escape your lips.

I want to feel your manhood pound into me.

I want to feel your body tense as you release.

I want to know that I have pleased you.

I want to please you.

Slap, Smack, Strike

2010-12-04T22:11:00.002-05:00

Call it what you will. Truth is I love it! I love to have my rear smacked. I love when Aeon smacks my womanhood. I melt and quiver at the thought of him slapping my breasts.

The breast is something Aeon seems to enjoy smacking the most. He will smack one while he tweaks the other. He will smack them both as he bites the nipple. He will squeeze them leaving finger tip bruises and smack them some more. And I love it! I love it all.

But (you knew one was coming), I want more. I know greedy girl I am. I want more. I love to see the marks that he leaves behind. I only wish they were deeper. I love the feeling of his teeth on my breasts, I just wish that I had a visible reminder after. I would love to look down and see his reddened hand print across my breast and feel its heat linger on.

This isn't just about the breast. I want to see these marks all over. I want him to mark me. I want him to leave his teeth marks on my flesh. His hand prints on my body. I want to see his work the next day.

We have a crop. I love it! I love the sting of it. I love the sound of it. I love the feel of it on my body. I just love it. He rarely uses it. When he does I go into hyper drive. When he strikes me with the crop on my behind or my breast or my womanhood I turn absolutely gelatinous. I am useless. I love it so much that I beg and whimper and the orgasm after is AMAZING! However, he uses it so very rarely.

The other problem I am having is I want to feel him smack me in other places. I want to feel his sting on my arms and thighs and stomach and even dare I say it my face.

It's not just the physical it is also the mental. I thrive on the anticipation. When will it happen? How hard will it land? Will it mark? Did any one in the house hear that?

I want so much. I just don't know how to ask for any of it. How do I ask him to mark me? How do I ask him to slap my face? How do I ask him to crop my thighs? How do I ask him to leave teeth marks on my flesh?

Somebody tell me how!

FFF- Better Late THan Never

2010-12-04T13:06:00.006-05:00

I am a day late and terribly sorry! A hectic schedule is my only excuse. Perhaps a spanking is needed to correct my tardiness.

It was last of Indian Summer. She had watched him loading and unloading the trucks all summer. She had spent countless hours fantasizing about his hard abs and what she was sure was an even harder manhood. She knew her chance at him was coming to a close.

As the noon sun rose and the sweat ran down his chest she felt the familiar feeling of pulsing heat growing between her legs. She abandoned her bra and t-shirt for a light cotton peasant shirt and two glasses of lemonade. Her nerves were starting to leave her as she got closer the back of the barn. As she turned to leave he called to her. She kept walking pretending not to hear him, until she felt his hand on her waist. Scratchy and roughened from hard work they held her tight against him. With one hand he took both glasses and set them on the barrel. With the other hand he pulled at her shirt and then at her…

Enter, Return, Shift

2010-11-27T11:40:00.005-05:00

I guess all 3 of these options fit. Enter, return and shift.

Enter

It's what I am attempting to do. I am attempting to enter my life as Aeon's Angel once again.

Return

If you all will have me, (insert pout and pleading eyes here) I am returning to my blog. It has been too long! So long in fact that it has taken me 4 nights of reading to catch up. Several blogs have changed layouts and I was confused.

Shift

Well for those of us who have fallen off the proverbial wagon or the horse or from grace will understand, I need to make a shift in myself. My attitude, my life, my behavior and so on and so on.

So it is here that I present myself most humbly. I ask for forgiveness for being gone so long and for the patience and understanding of those among you D/s, M/s, Spanker and spankee a like to help me along as I Enter, Return and Shift back into Aeon's Angel.

2010-03-25T22:10:00.004-04:00

Alone. Like this red balloon drifting on the wet pavement, I am alone. I am in one in a house of 6. Three adults and three children. With my children I am never alone. With our room mate Tao I have company. With my husband Aeon, I am alone. I am in the same space and we share the same air and yet I am alone. I feel discarded. I feel rejected. I feel misplaced.

I tried to talk to Aeon tonight. i tried to tell him how I feel. I tried to achieve something. I failed. Talking turned to an argument. My feeling were discounted and judged. Nothing was achieved. No, I am wrong. Something was achieved. I walked away feeling more alone and dejected.

I am alone.

Again.

Tired, Frustrated and Annoyed

2010-03-24T21:03:00.003-04:00

Again Aeon is being elusive. He is either all in balls deep or like now he is put off and absent. I am so tired of this craziness! He is in the mind set right now that D/s makes me "needy". He feels "put off" by this aspect of our relationship. I crave stability! I need to know what is going on! He does this from time to time.

When he is in all is well and things are good. We communicate better. We love more. We spend quality time with each other. When he is in he is attentive and affectionate. When he is in I am peaceful. I am relaxed. I am driven.

Right now things are stifled. We rarely have sex. We hardly touch at all. We make small talk at the most. Right now we are more like room mates that share a bed than married. I am frustrated.

I feel let down and abandoned. I feel convenient. Convenience is a feeling I dislike. It is a feeling that causes a lot of self doubt for me. I need a firm, clear idea of what our marriage is. Are we D/s and if so it needs to be full time or are we vanilla with tendencies?

I think it is a fair question.

31 Days Has March

2010-03-01T00:14:00.000-05:00

Happy March Blogging Friends! I am a goal oriented person. With out a clear list of goals I become irritable and flighty(just a tad ocd). It has been brought to my attention that I do not blog as often as I should. With that in mind I am once again asking all of you for help.

If you have any thoughts, ideas, questions or jibber jabber please let me know as I will be making a list of ideas and my plan is to blog AT LEAST once a day everyday for the month of March. I could use your help and appreciate any and all input.

I look forward to hearing from you and hope to see lots of ideas popping up.

Virginity Lost

2010-02-21T09:29:00.005-05:00

I want to thank Melissa @ Intelligent Submission for taking my virginity. Let me clarify that, she took my Spanking Tube virginity. I had never experienced Spanking Tube or for that matter did I know about it. After reading her post I was very curious. So I followed the link and was pleasantly surprised.

I watched as the spankee Kathy took quite a spanking. I found that I was jealous and sympathetic all at the same time. I watched that spanking and found myself squirming in my seat. My bottom wriggling at every stroke. I found my self fantasising that I was the one getting spanked. Then as I heard her reaction I became thankful it wasn't me. The bruising and swelling of her bottom made me cringe.

So here I am today sharing with all of you how Melissa @ Intelligent Submission took my Spanking Tube virginity. I am fascinated by Spanking Tube and have popped in and out to check a few video's. I enjoy it. It excites me and I plan on going back for more.

My only dilemma now is, do I show Aeon? If I show Aeon will he get more ideas? If I show Aeon could my spanking end up on Spanking Tube? Eee Gad what to do what to do!

Happy Vinyl-tines Day!!

2010-02-14T18:15:00.006-05:00

Oh readers it has been too long! I am so happy to be back! I have spent the last 3 days reading, reading the blogs of all my blogger buddies. Enjoying your lives and feeling your pains. It is now my turn, my turn to share a little of me with all of you. I will not bore you with the last 3 weeks of stressful trite events. That would simply be torture for all my readers. I will tell you about our wonderful purchases from subshop.com and about the best Valentines day or Vinyl-tines day as I choose to call it.

Aeon and I ordered a couple of vinyl sheets and a 25inch slapper crop. They sat in the box for a week taking up space and collecting dust until Friday. Friday Aeon spread the 2 sheets out onto our bed and turned on our wonderful queen size heated mattress pad. The feeling of sliding into bed naked along those wonderful sheets is beyond words. I laid in the bed pressed against a wonderfully naked Aeon. I could feel him breathing on my neck and his arousal pressing up against me. His strong hands roamed my body and grasped my breasts like they alone could hold him to the world. As we continued touching and playing and stroking each other I started to experience a feeling I could not describe at the time. I was spinning...well at least my head was. I was spinning and floating and drifting away with in some emotion I did not know how to feel. I tried to concentrate. I tried to focus my mind and as I did I started to feel differently about my submission. I started to feel grateful. I started to relax. I enjoyed my self. I started to stop thinking. I started to...well I guess to fall.

This morning it happened again. We woke up early and just laid in bed and enjoyed each other. Enjoyed the touch of each others skin. Enjoyed the feeling of lips. Enjoyed just being together. Aeon went and to the closet and brought back one of the sheets. He told me to lay still. As I laid there waiting in great anticipation he started to "tuck" me in. I laid on the bed as he securely wrapped me in vinyl. I began to experience those feelings again. The only difference being this time I could feel my eye lids getting heavy and my breathing start to slow. Again I felt as if I were floating outside of my body. I became so relaxed and so at peace. I honestly have never felt so at peace with out the help of a pharmaceutical. He touched me. Soft and gentle touches and then rough greedy demanding touches. After about an hour Aeon had to go down stairs to check on our children and the puppy. He worried if I would be ok. I assured him I was. He wasn't gone long. I felt so safe. So loved and so incredibly sexy. We went on like this for about another hour. The touching and kissing and biting and oh yeah...I forgot although how I am not sure, The slapper.

Oh my!!! The Slapper is amazing! Aeon wields this jewel like an extension of himself. He delivers its stinging swats in an expert fashion. Light and stingy for a fun effect and hard and smart for a more pronounced effect. Having applied to my bottom was an amazing feeling when my bottom was bare but of my the euphoria when applied to a vinyl covered bottom. He swatted my breasts and my taught nipples in such a way that I thought I would cry from the ecstasy of it all.

You see my blogging buddies, I have read so many post's from so many bloggers about "sub space". I read and re-read and finally decided it must be a D/s legend. Know matter what Aeon and I did or tried I never quite got to that point. That is until recently. Those beautiful sheets of vinyl hold some sort of spell or power for me. I become so relaxed and so at peace that I float. My mind that is. When we are done and it is back to life the feeling continues.It has for the entire day. I feel more submissive than I ever have. I feel more free than ever before. While I was wrapped up my mind, body and heart finally started to make peace with each other. I finally began to accept my self completely.

Aeon has decided to do away with maintenance spankings as we didn't think they did much good for us any way and instead replace them with "quiet reflexion". A period of 15-30 minutes every other day after he returns from work that I will be wrapped up in the vinyl sheet to well quietly reflect.

Wish us luck bloggers and I hope every one had an amazing Vinyl-tines Day!!

2010-01-26T17:33:00.001-05:00

Sorry guys. Updates soon I promise. Internet is being wonky. Maintenace is going well! ;) <Trisha>

Anticipation, Updates and Thoughts

2010-01-17T18:52:00.004-05:00

Aeon & I have been making a great deal of progress in our D/s marriage. I have been known in the past to use my blog to rant about what I feel may be wrong or how I wish things where different. I do this knowing that Aeon reads my blog and so I can in a sense say what I need to say with out having to actually face him. Now I know that this is some what weaselly and petty but cut me some slack I have hard time expressing disappointment to my D.

The past few weeks have been great. I am coming along and making strides at being more...acceptable I guess. I hate the word obedient it makes feel like a golden retriever. I have been trying to be more of who I should be and trying to follow our rules more. I am in no way saying I have been perfect far from. Just that I am trying and not just Aeons nerves.

In turn Aeon has been wearing his Dom pants more regularly lately. He has found he is done with my bratting and bitching and he is willing to put a stop to it. On New Years Eve as a matter of fact I was being more than a tad unruly and Aeon escorted me to our bedroom and warmed my rear rather well and informed me that he had had enough. Needless to say I was MUCH better behaved from that point on.

Aeon and I have decided that maintenance is a necessity. We have decided on Monday, Wednesday & Friday mornings before he leaves for work. We will be starting with 5 spankings and that could change as time goes on. For us, Monday is significant. I am a SAHM and Mondays are hard for me. On Mondays I tend to miss Aeon a GREAT deal. With the missing comes the bratting. I get agitated at the feeling of being needy. So I act out. Hopefully this will help.

We are also prepping our Sub-Shop list. The goal for us right now is not so much to have all of hearts desires but rather a few key pieces that we really want. We are also looking to add a nice paddle or 2 to our stash. So any thoughts on any needies or paddles please let me know.

Lately I have been thinking about what has brought Aeon and I to this point. You see of the 2 of us most people who claim to "know" us see me as the dominant. Aeon is very laid back and relaxed. Very little ruffles him and he has always been a roll with it kind of guy. I however, tend to be a more fight fire with fire, rally in the streets, take no prisoner kind of chick. The truth is if you really know Aeon you would see that he has always held the reins in some form with our relationship. He has always heavily influenced my decisions and I have more often than not tried to avoid disappointing or angering him. I have never feared him in the way that I thought he would hurt me or commit some act of violence but I hated to upset him.

So back to anticipation.... my anticipation is the mornings maintenance that is coming. I do not know what to expect. I do not know how to prepare. I do not like not knowing!

Wish me luck and as always your thoughts and ideas are ALWAYS welcome. I am grateful for all of you and for your help.

Welcome Lord-Tao!

2010-01-14T14:30:00.004-05:00

Hello fellow bloggers! I know I have been in a very ask-y mood lately and again I need to call upon my friends. I am hoping to get some help for a good friend of Aeon & i. We have known Tao for many, many years and he has recently (this week) come to identify himself as a member of our life style. He feels he leans more to the Dom side but favors aspects of the Master side also. Because he is new to our lifestyle Aeon has been gracious enough to let me help him out a little. I am permitted to "introduce" him around on the web through my blog and I have helped him to establish a fetlife account.

What I am asking is that if any of you wonderful, kind, sophistacated Dom's, sub's, Master's and/or slave's are able and/or willing please take the time to stop by fetlife and give a looky-loo to Lord-Tao. He could use some advice and a little guidance to help him get on his feet so to speak.

Thank you all in advance for all of your help and thank you for always being there.

Maintenance: To Be or Not to Be

2010-01-13T15:12:00.005-05:00

Spankings...love them or hate them they are what they are. Aeon and I have come to a point

when a decision needs to be made and I am AGAIN asking my blogging buddies Dom's, subs,

Masters, slaves and spankos alike for an opinion and feed back. Please we need feed back!

1) Maintenance spankings...yes or no?

2) If yes how often?

3) How many?

4) Do you feel they "work" for your relationship?

5) Hand or implement?

Aeon and I have discovered that I am more...receptive I guess after a spanking. We are asking

for help to determine maintenance. Please feel free to give your opinion. I appreciate any and all

help.

Miscommunication

2010-01-12T00:45:00.003-05:00

Just a quick question for my fellow blogger's before I head off to bed:

Do you sometimes find it difficult to clearly your communicate your needs/wants to you S/O?

This goes out to all my fellow blogger's, Dom's, sub's, Master/Mistress, sub, owner or owned.

Are you ever at a loss for just the right words?

Not a Message for My Mom

2010-01-08T14:09:00.005-05:00

"My pussy is so wet and a nice rub would make me cum so good! A little rub with some finger action n a nippy squeeze...oh my I am so hot for you!"

This is the text I sent to my MOM!!!! I had been sending Aeon these types of text messages all day. Later in the evening we exchanged dirty little text's. At some point my mom had texted and being distracted I replied to her with the text that was intended for Aeon. No knowing this had happened until she called me and READ parts of the message back to me!! I was so embarrassed!

Well bloggers, this was my Thursday evening. I may not have participated in HNT but I surely engaged in some TMI!!!

I WANT

2010-01-07T14:47:00.007-05:00

I am feeling bold today. I have a list of wants going round and round in my head. I feel DEMANDING!! I feel eager to make MY wishes known!! I have gone beyond the point of bratty! I am going to blog and share it with Aeon! I am going to tell him I want my wants met!! I am willing to deal with the out come. Maybe its all this stupid snow. Maybe its my raging hormones. Oh well here we go!

1) I want to be claimed! What I mean to say is that I want Aeon to mark me. A paddle mark, a bite mark, a nail mark no matter just CLAIM me!

2) I want to be MADE to submit! I do not wish to here requests or stearn suggestions. I want ACTION!!!

3) I want a vib! I do not have one. I want one. I want Aeon to pick and purchase it! I want to use it on my self as well as have him use it on me!

4) I want nipple clamps! I want to be made to wear them all the live long day! I want to feel him tug on them when he is near me! I want them!

5) I want a butt plug! I never entertained this before recently. Aeon has become more and more fascinated with my glory hole and I have been reading more and more blogs about anal beads, butt plugs and butt play.

6) I want to be wanted! I want to feel the want! I want to see it so strong in his eye's that it's intoxicating!

7) I want to be spanked into orgasm! I want Aeon to spank to the point that I am calling his name and speaking in tongues!

8) I want to be collared! I want to feel the wait of his ownership on my skin! I want to know that I am HIS!!! HIS!!! HIS!!!

I want, I want, I want!!!!!

A New Year Brings in Another Lady

2010-01-03T12:41:00.003-05:00

With the new year came a new lady for Aeon and I. It was not easy decision...at first. We had looked around and entertained the idea of a few different companions. No one ever seemed to be quite right.

A few we had put a great deal of consideration into with the promise that they where available only to find out that that was not so. I was becoming discouraged and desperate. I wanted a new lady friend so desperately and Aeon was so willing.

We headed out on New Years Eve with another friend of ours to meet a couple of ladies. Again the same thing TAKEN. To hell with it we decided to trek on any way and see what was available.

As the nice young gentleman gave us our tour and started to show us what was available I saw her. She captured my heart like no other. She was quiet and a little shy but she was beautiful. Lovely brown hair and nice long legs the most pleading of brown eyes. I knew it had to be her if she would have us.

We finished our tour and no another soul attracted me like her.

We went back and as the gentleman opened the door to her cage she came to me. Laid at my feet and let me know she wanted us!

My friends please welcome our new lady....Pixi! She is 4 months old and had been at our local Humane Society for 2 weeks. We have no idea what breed(s) she is, we suspect American Foxhound and maybe a little Beagle. She is a great fit in our family and we love her.

Post Christmas Post

2009-12-27T21:25:00.002-05:00

Christmas was wonderful! We had a great Christmas day. The kids enjoyed the gifts "Santa" brought them and the Wii that Aeon and I got for the family. We had friends and family in and out all day and everyone had fun.

Aeon and I enjoyed our holiday also (wink,wink). We are reconnecting in so many ways and I am so pleased. We have been experiencing some of the best sex I have had in some time! The reconnecting is amazing. It is so much more than just the sex or the D/s aspects of our marriage. We are one again. It has been so long since I have felt like one with Aeon.

Aeon and I have recently discovered the joys of www.sub-shop.com. I started a wish list and Aeon tweaked it a little. I do not know what purchases will be first but I look forward to them none the less.

It is getting close to bed time as Aeon has to work in the morning. I shall be posting more as things improve.

Good night and good dreams my blogging friends!

This Just In...

2009-12-22T15:42:00.007-05:00

Good afternoon blogging friends!

Well as some of you may have read in my last post things have been tuff around here. Aeon and I are experiencing a few "speed Bumps" in our D/s and vanilla relationship. However we are working it out and re-grouping. Everything takes time. It took time to get us to this point and it will take time to get us through it. So let me start with the numbers to let you know whats going on.

1) Aeon and I have not had sex of any kind in more than a month.

Thankfully this has changed! After a rather luscious shower together on Saturday and a and heavy quickie last night this stress has been lifted!

2) I am alone. I am with my family and still very alone.

I am feeling better. A little at a time I am feeling better. I still feel alone at times but it isn't so bad .

3) I miss my husband. He is here and we are together every day and I still miss him. I miss feeling like I am a part of Aeon.

Aeon and I are spending more time together. We are not taking advantage of each others existence in the house.

4) I am not sleeping AGAIN! Lucky to get 3-4 hours a day.

I am up to about 6 hours a night and feeling better because of it.

5) I love Aeon heart and soul and this thing between us what ever it is is hurting me.

I still love Aeon heart and soul and that never changes. I still think there is a "thing" between us but haven't figured it out.

6) I resent him. I resent him for being able to function when I can hardly breathe.

The resentment is lifting as I improve. I know now he is experiencing some of the same feelings in his own way.

7) Aeon is a man. A real honest to goodness, works with tools, loves hockey, slings boxes, goes fishing kind of man.

Still my same man!

8) I am existing. I function on a very basic level. I do what must be done and not much more.

I am doing more and more. I push my self each day and try to function on a higher level.

9) I fear that one day in the not so distant future Aeon will wake up and ask himself why. Why has he stayed? Why has he hung on? Why is he here?

This is still a fear for me but hey that's why I have a therapist!

10) I want to see my name written on the over pass. Well so to speak anyways. I am a 35 year old woman with 4 children and three different daddies who has never really experienced that one true or any for that matter romantic high.

Still an issue. Don't think Aeon posses a romantic bone or gene. May have to learn to cope with that. I wonder can romance be taught?

11) I feel unappreciated. I feel like no one Aeon included appreciates me or what I do.

This too is a process. But again that's why I go to therapy!

12) I feel convenient. I am a convenience for Aeon. For my sister. For my mother. For my friends.

Still working on this but again....Therapy.

13) Aeon and I have fallen away from our D/s relationship.

This is something I am very happy to report we are working on. I have spent hours on hours reading blogs and have found this is not uncommon. I thought I was alone on this.

14) I feel like a part of me is missing.

Again with the therapy.

15) I am lost. I have no idea what I want with or from my life.

Looking at going back to school. Community Social Work appeals to me a great deal.

So here we are. Working at us. I love Aeon and I know he loves me. Some days(weeks) are harder than others but the love doesn't change.

I am sorry to sound whiny. I try not to but sometimes the whine slips out and forgets the cheese.

Truth in Numbers

2009-12-14T03:03:00.003-05:00

Well here we go a cleansing of the soul so to speak.

I am titling this post "Truth in Numbers". Simply put It's a list of the truths in my life as I know them to be.

1) Aeon and I have not had sex of any kind in more than a month.

2) I am alone. I am with my family and still very alone.

3) I miss my husband. He is here and we are together every day and I still miss him. I miss feeling like I am a part of Aeon.

4) I am not sleeping AGAIN! Lucky to get 3-4 hours a day.

5) I love Aeon heart and soul and this thing between us what ever it is is hurting me.

6) I resent him. I resent him for being able to function when I can hardly breathe.

7) Aeon is a man. A real honest to goodness, works with tools, loves hockey, slings boxes, goes fishing kind of man.

8) I am existing. I function on a very basic level. I do what must be done and not much more.

9) I fear that one day in the not so distant future Aeon will wake up and ask himself why. Why has he stayed? Why has he hung on? Why is he here?

10) I want to see my name written on the over pass. Well so to speak anyways. I am a 35 year old woman with 4 children and three different daddies who has never really experienced that one true or any for that matter romantic high.

11) I feel unappreciated. I feel like no one Aeon included appreciates me or what I do.

12) I feel convenient. I am a convenience for Aeon. For my sister. For my mother. For my friends.

13) Aeon and I have fallen away from our D/s relationship.

14) I feel like a part of me is missing.

15) I am lost. I have no idea what I want with or from my life.

Well folks that is it. Truth in Numbers.

It's not encouraging or inspiring. It's not tantalizing or exciting. It simply is what it is.

Truth in Numbers.

FFF #16 ~ We Knew ~ 12/11/09

2009-12-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

It had been a wonderful night. Two friends out for a much needed good time. Dinner at classy little bistro. Shopping at posh boutiques. Coffee at the little greasy spoon on the corner.

We ventured back to my modest little townhouse for chick flicks and ice cream. As I fumbled through my purse in search of my house keys the sky opened up. No warning. No clues. Just a down pour of rain for a few brief moments.

We giggled like children and ran into the house shedding our clothes as we entered. I ran to the linen closet and brought us two fluffy towels. We stood naked in the living room our eyes caressing each others bodies. I reached out to hand her the towel and as I did my hand went to her stomach and I could not help but to trace the gentle rivers of rain that fell down her skin with my finger tips.

In that moment we knew. We knew that towels would be for later. We knew that my hands would wonder aimlessly over her skin. We knew that our first kiss would in no way be our last. We knew in that moment that we would know the intimate taste of one another.

Ladies and gentlemen I invite you to share your own words and inspirations. It has been my treat to host this week's FFF and I am greatful for the opportunity. Please remember to leave a link back to your post.

FFF #16

2009-12-07T18:00:00.003-05:00

Hello Blogger's! I am so very happy to be hosting this weeks Flash Fiction Friday. As always rules are rules:
200 Words
Due on Friday, December 11,2009
Please let me know when you have posted.

I look forward to reading all of your wonderful words and inspirations.

And remember boys & girls...rule breakers are subject to punishment!

FFF #15 ~ Not Supposed to be Here~ 12/04/09

2009-12-04T07:02:00.000-05:00

Lying in the suitcase I close my eyes.

Master will be so surprised.

I have put away his clothes. I have laid out his toiletries. I have brought a variety of toys and laid them neatly on the dresser.

I am not supposed to be here. I was told to stay home.

I am showered and ready for him. I hear his voice in the hall. I climbed inside and waited.

He is in the room. I hear him say some one needs a spanking tonight. A woman's voice answers. She says me.

I am surprised.

FFF #14 ~ A Lesson in Appreciation~11/27/09

2009-11-27T20:44:00.006-05:00

"An appreciation in fine arts and music is an appreciation for one's self and one's Master."

Those words ran through her head over and over again. She had never been the fine arts type. She was a rock out with your cock out, big hair, big personality and tight clothes chick.

At least she was.

When she met Master she was wild and untamed. He had said that was part of what attracted him to her. She loved that fact, until she discovered that attraction was in dominating her.

She resisted from the word go. Submissive to any man was not even a thought. Hell her own father had never had what it took to make her submit. What made him think he was any different?

That was six months ago. In six months she had become a different woman. The wild and untamed party girl was no more. She submitted to Master. She obey him and honored him at every moment.

Until recently. She detested his music. The violins, the pianos, the organs.

She kneeled on the bench while Bach played loudly. Her knees ached. She waited, anticipating the sting of the baton as he would "conduct" her tastes.

Thursday 13 ~ Thanksgiving Edition~ 11/

2009-11-25T23:42:00.003-05:00

1) I am thankful for my loving husband Aeon. He supports me and cares for me and always knows what I need/want.

2) I am thankful for my 4 wonderful children. PA is 17 and she has a take no prisoners attitude that I admire. DA is 12 and he has an absolute heart of gold, he always manages to see the best. DC is 9 and he is just a brain trust. That boy has a complex mind and sick sense of humor. PQ is 6 and she is all DIVA. She knows what she wants and expects others to oblige. Smart and friendly she is a force of nature.

3) I am thankful for my neighbors. We loving call them the "Hutters". When we moved in next door they had 6 gay men sharing a house, now they have 4 gay men, 1 lesbian, 1 "Hutters"mother and one "hutters 18 year old straight son as well as 5 Pomeranians, a Jack Russell Terrier and 2 ferrets. The "hutters" are funny, sweet and so much fun.

4) My sister the Lemon. She is my friend, my sister, my sounding board and my sanity at times.

5) My friends. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors but they are my friends and mean a great deal to me.

6) My blog(s). I love being able to get my thoughts and views out into the world. I have "Freedom" to share some of my more intimate thoughts and I have "Mayhem" to share my vanilla side of life.

7) I am thankful for my fellow bloggers. So many of you inspire me. Many of you have taught me things and enlightened my mind.

8) I am thankful for my home. The place I can be just me.

9) I am thankful for music. Music moves me through out my day. Music plays such a large part of who I am. I have a continuing sound track to my life.

10) I am thankful for my family. For all my family. Those that have gone before me and those that are still here. For the family members that I interact with daily and the ones I do not see.

11) I am thankful for wine.. Wine is good. Enough said.

12) I am thankful for laughter. When days are tough I love the sound of laughter.

13) Last but not least I am thankful for a spanking. Nothing is more erotic, loving or energized than a spanking.

Happy Thanksgiving blogger friends. May your days be filled with laughter, love and abundant spankings!

Wednedsday Rant ~ Rude 11/25/09

2009-11-25T00:29:00.003-05:00

Welcome Friends to the Thanksgiving Eve edition of Wednesday Rant! This weeks rant is brought to you today by Rudeness.

As we are aware this is whats known as "The Season of Giving". I always believed that statement to mean being giving in general. Giving of ones times and/or resources.

Boy was I wrong!!!

As I have come to learn over the years it actually means the giving of ones attitude and/or self righteous, egomaniacle, overbearing, catty, condescending traits!

Uhhh she sounds bitter you might say! Damn skippy! I have had it up to my glory hole with blue haired ladies running me down with carts. Prissy, snooty,tanorexic teen age nymphets greedily and rudely taking what they want! Wishy washy mothers grossly neglecting the gang of future heads of cell block they call children as said future offenders terrorize Americas customer services people.

Oh yes and not to be forgotten... the customer service rep! The oh so unfriendly and often times put off class of people who feel I have inconvenienced them by stepping into the line they cash out and actually expecting them to engage in WORK!!! How dare I need assistance in locating a product, size, color, replacement, brand name or sale item! How dare I ask question in regards to the products sold at that particular establishment! i must be crazy!

Then of course the oh so popular in hurry to get to the red light guy! You know the one... bob-n-weave in 3 lanes of traffic cutting off semi trucks and ambulances just so they can be the first vehicle at the red light. Congratulation ass monkey you have endangered the lives of several drivers and because you are an idiot several parents (my self included) have just added some colorful words, phrases and slurs to our children's vocabulary!

So people as the "Season of Giving" progresses count your blessings, hug your loved ones, and pray diligently that you have the patience needed to encounter the rudest of the rude this year.

FFF #13: Masters Gift

2009-11-20T11:14:00.005-05:00

Sitting with my back against the glass looking out at those who long to serve my Master, I look out at my bevy of choices.

And then I see her.

Auburn hair cascading around creamy shoulders. Eyes cast down to the floor. The smell of fear and anticipation wafting off of her like cheap perfume. A most unruly nest of auburn curls glistening with the dew of woman hood between her freckled thighs.

Yes, she will do nicely. A perfect blend of humility and lust.

I motion to the usher to bring her forward.

She approaches and stands ready for inspection. I inspect her mouth with all of those glorious white teeth.

I inspect her creamy white breasts and perky nipples. Firm yet soft. I flick the left one and she winces. I am pleased with her response.

I reach between her freckled thighs and feel her heat and her sticky wetness. Her clit is swollen and her lips are slick. I plunge my finger deep inside her, she is tight and inviting.

I turn her and instruct her to bend over and spread her legs. Her bottom is plump and the faintest of bruises still show. I deliver 5 solid smacks to her hind end and she thanks me.

As she stands to face me again I take her chin in my hands and force my kiss onto her. Her mouth is open and willing. She bites my lip.

Yes, she will make a nice gift for my Master.

Friday Fill In 11/20/09

2009-11-20T08:47:00.002-05:00

1. We need some "alone" time.

2. Aeon kisses me on the neck and it made me smile.

3. If you want to know just ask.

4. We are not having lovin' because Aeon is sick.

5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think if you want it bad enough you have to pay.

6.Good food, family and friends makes for a happy holiday.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing, tomorrow my plans include family stuff and Sunday, I want to get a lil' somin' somin'!

Thursday 13- 13 things you never knew and some you didn't want to about me 11/19/09

2009-11-19T00:01:00.001-05:00

1)When I was young (around 4) I wanted to grow up to be an Orange Ice Cream Cone.

2)I was a pillow humper from about age 10 to age 14.

3)My 1st crush was Barry Mannilow.

4)My 2nd big crush was the billboard Marlboro Man.

5) I dated a guy in high school who "worked" for a chop shop.

6)I have had D/s fantasies for about the last 15 or so years. Ever since I met Aeon!

7) I have a birth mark on my right nippy.

8)I was born a blond and remained a blond until I started having children. 4 children and several dye jobs later I have no clue what the natural color should be.

9)I love to go down on Aeon. He is most appreciative and moans in a glorious way.

10) I get turned on by certain songs.(i.e. Paula Cole ~Feelin" Love~You make me feel like a sticky pistil Leaning into her stamen. You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine himself. You make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rolling Damn skippy baby you make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs. You make me feel love)

11)I believe in the legalization of prostitution in ALL 50 states. Tax it for our schools!

12)I have had 2 three-somes one of which led to an affair and I came very close to leaving my lover at the time for her.

13)I love anal sex yet rarely get it!

Well that is my Thursday 13! Like I said some you may not have known and some you not have wanted to know.

Wednesday Rant: Porn (11/18/09)

2009-11-18T09:22:00.007-05:00

I have decided that every Wednesday I will do a rant. As defined by dictionary.com a rant is:verb (used without object) 1. to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way; rave: The demagogue ranted for hours.

So lets kick it off with the first ever for me Wednesday Rant!

What ever happened to "good" porn?

I know to many this statement is an oxymoron. No such thing as "good" porn. All porn is "good" porn. You know the comments. Well here is my problem....I can not find "good" porn!

You know the kind that makes you want to rip off your pants and masturbate until your arm hurts. The kind of porn that makes you check to see if the door are all locked before you start to watch. The kind of porn that makes you wet when you think about it HOURS later.

What the heck happened to it???

I am not now nor have I ever been a porn connoisseur. For that matter I am not even an avid viewer. I can not tell you actors or production houses. I just know that on occasion I have the urge, the urge to watch a little porn and do the the solo horizontal mambo.

I want girl on girl or at least girl on guy when the guy doesn't look like a bad music video. I am so tired of cheesy music and horrible scripts. I want it down and dirty! I am tired of spanking scenes that leave no color behind. I am bored with high pitched ahh ahhhs. I don't need close ups of the toys I just want hard slamming crazy porn!

Am I asking to much?

TMI 11/10/09

2009-11-10T13:43:00.004-05:00

THis weeks TMI was brought to us by the fine folks at Between My Sheets Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2009 by the top sex blogger, Coquitten 100th post.

I rather enjoyed this weeks questions and thought why not! They are yummy!

1. I lost my virginity at 18, in the back of a car, on prom night. Where and when did you lose yours?I lost mine by choices when I was 14 1/2 to my first love and high school sweaty in his bedroom.

2. I think my ass is my best sexual feature. What is yours? My best sexual feature is my 42DD breasts. Aeon loves them and I often catch men (and from time to time women) talking to them. Aeon has an uncle who we swear can not tell you what my face looks likes! Dirty perv.

3. A recurring theme in my fantasies is being slammed up against the wall. Do you have a recurring fantasy or a theme to your fantasies? A recurring theme in my some of my fantasies is to watch a knock out "true" red head with gorgeous breasts perform oral sex on Aeon while I masturbate.

4. I love watching guys masturbate. Do you enjoy watching others (a partner or a stranger) masturbate? I love to watch Aeon masturbate. He has such big manly hands and the look of them wrapped around his man hood is amazing! I can feel my self getting damp just typing this.

5. I hate when guys are quiet in bed. I like to hear you moaning as you cum. Do you like you partners quiet? Oh I love to hear Aeon moan and whisper in his husky voice. It is such an added bonus. Are you quiet? NEVER!!!

6. I love playing with nipples. Do you having your nipples played with?
I love it! When Aeon so much as brushes up against my nipples I get weak. I also love to play with his nipples. The feeling of his nipple getting hard against my tongue is erotic!

7. My ‘number’ is between 15 and 25. What is your 'number'?
Less than 40 more than 1. Fair enough?

The universe is against me

2009-11-05T07:45:00.001-05:00

i post this from my cell phone as we have no internet connection at the moment. Things always go wrong when you plan a come back tour.

TMI 11/03/2009

2009-11-03T09:04:00.003-05:00

1a. You just gave yourself a body-shaking orgasm. How long do you have to wait before you can give yourself another body-shaking orgasm? I have to wait at least an hour. A body shaking orgasm leaves me hungry and needing a nap!

1b. You just gave yourself a body-shaking orgasm. What is the longest you can wait until you absolutely have to do it again? A couple of days maybe a week. Don't judge me man I needs my fix!

2a. If you are good in this life, what will you come back as in your next life ... if you come back as an animate being?
I want to be a penis! What better job! A lot of the fun and with so very little clean up!

2b. ..... if you come back as an inanimate being? I would think a mattress....that way I am always a part of the action!

I Am Back

2009-11-02T16:47:00.002-05:00

Hello friends! Let me just say that the final couple of weeks of October SUCKED! It seemed like a new drama and/or crisis was always just around the corner. My brain decided to go on vacation and screw things up royal. My nephew had an MRI. My mother was ultra clingy and needy. Aeon and I couldn't have gotten on the same page if it had been stapled to our feet.

Lets start with the nephew. He is a little sweaty who even when wide awake appeared to be doing what we dubbed the "drunken baby" walk. This was troublesome and funny all in one. So my sister spoke to the doc who ordered a MRI and then fought with the insurance company to get it covered. Finally all is well and he is good.

Next, my brain. I am a nut. I am bi-polar and battle depression/anxiety with a little PTSD to kick it up a notch. I have been doing VERY well at maintaining my med's. However, do to outside stresses I doubled the anti-anxiety and left the anti-psychotic out all together. This in turn led to the previous blog of insomnia, low(no) sex drive, bitter bitch syndrome and moody behavior. Which in turn led to Aeon wanting to "throw in the towel" so to speak. Also this led to my lack of desire to blog or do much of anything else. Now this has been remedied and things are getting back on track. Just need to convince Aeon to back on board.

My mother. I love her. She lost her job in June and has clung to me ever since. I am with her 3 to 4 days a week for at least 3 hours often times more a day. This is making it increasingly difficult to accomplish things. How ever she is my mommy so what can I do.

So my wonderful blogger buddies...this was my month in the shortest review. I am up and I am back. Back to blogging. Back to reading blogs and commenting. Back to my meme's. Back to my TMI's and HNT's. Back to my EFF & FFF. I am back.

FFF #10 - She Dance's

2009-10-30T14:30:00.002-04:00

Her image lingered in his mind.

Her scent surrounded him.

He longed for her with every breath.

It happened so fast. An early night.

A strangers car.

Soft Jazz and candle light filled the house.

And there in the bay window she stood in beautiful nakedness dancing for another man.

My blood ran cold.

Hers ran hot and crimson.

He ran as I cuddled my love one last time.

I sit alone in cell.

She dances for only me now.

My mind see's her.

My hands stroke my man hood to the memory of her dance.

She dances for me.

Insomnia

2009-10-17T13:44:00.003-04:00

I have been a slacker! I am several days behind on blogs. For days I have had trouble sleeping. I have been so tired my concentration is off, no let me rephrase that my concentration is nonexistent.

I have sat down several times this week to read the writings of my fellow blogger's only to have the words turn into giant swirls. At one point this week I stayed awake for 27 hours solid. I have started more blogs than I can count only to go and read the drafts and discover that my writing made absolutely no sense. I plan on spending a great deal of my time catching up on blogs and posting this weeks events.

Aeon and I have had an interesting week and I have a great deal to share. We have talked and fought and cried and reminisced. We have even tried something new. I have many blog ideas but I am in still in need of the sleep to help organize my mind.

I just wanted to take the opportunity to let all my blogging buddies know that I have not fallen off the earth. I am still alive. I am still kicking and I shall return. Hopefully I will return more awake and alert.

A song for the blog and a memory to

2009-10-14T07:02:00.000-04:00

This is a song I love! Recently a very dear friend passed away and he was a big fan of Dr. Hook. How I forgot abouth this song is beyond me but hear it is. I hope you enjoy it and I pray that it affends no one. Remember they were a band of stoners and sang this in the '70's.

TMI 10/13/09

2009-10-13T14:37:00.004-04:00

1. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your life?

10!!! My sex life has been AMAZING!!

1a. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your sex life?

See answer 1

2. What is the easiest way for you to reach orgasm?

Clitoral. Especially when Aeon is "having lunch at the "Y"" so to speak!

3. what are 3 inevitable things about you?

1) I will have the munchies when sex is over.

2) I close my eyes during all acts of sex.

3) I clean up immediately.

4. What is your favorite sexual position? (yes you have to narrow it to one)

Ankles on his shoulders rear end in the air him gripping my hips!

4a. What is you least favorite sexual position?

Me on top.

5. Favorite body part/parts of the opposite (or same) sex?

I love strong arms. Not hard muscled arms but strong arms.

6. Would you rather have you significant other (this can be a hypothetical SO) have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? [You have to pick one.]

I would rather he had sex with someone else, especially if I get to watch/participate. I am a jealous and vengeful woman, him falling in love with another would result in jail time for me!

7. When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?

Down! it helps me grip the bed sheet.

8. Name three words that:

a) get you excited

Cashed Pay Check! No really, 1) Spank 2) Latex 3) Cock

b) make you squirm

1) Bite 2) cum 3) finger

c) make you laugh

1) "Woman" 2) Lupita 3) Bawana

Bonus (as in optional):

What is you most embarrassing sexual moment?

When Aeon and I were newly dating he lived with his mother. On an overnighter we had turned out the lights, put a blanket in front of the door and turned on the tv in his room before getting busy. In the middle of everything his mom knocks on the door and asked if we were playing Vampires in there because it was so dark. That killed it we were done. We still laugh about that today.

Love Our Lurkers IV

2009-10-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

Howdy Lurkers! I was invited by the talented bonnie at http://bottomsmarts.blogspot.com/ to join in on "Love Our Lurkers IV". So for all you lurkers out in blogging world please come out and play! Feel free to take a look around, enjoy yourself and comment to your hearts desire! I look forward to getting to know you.

March on DC

2009-10-11T10:44:00.004-04:00

Today people from across the U.S.A. will march on Washington D.C. They will march for equality. They will march for health care. They will march for freedom. Among those marching will be my cousin Steven and his Partner Shaun. They will march for recognition and acceptance. They will march against hatred, insecurity and bigotry.

In my 35 years on this planet I have been blessed to know many people of the gay/lesbian/bi community. I have watched as they struggled with families who could/would not accept them. I have seen how they have been mocked and ridiculed for the lives they live. I have been present when discrimination was prevalent. I have heard them fear for there jobs. I have seen them hide themselves to "protect" the image of there family.

These people have been and many still are my friends, my relatives, my neighbors, my bosses, the president of my parish council. These are people in good standing. people who hold jobs, pay taxes and have lives. These are the people who watch out for my family, protect my neighborhood, cook out with us on the week end. These are the people who watch my children, look out for my church, loan my family the proverbial cup of sugar.

I support them having equal rights. I support them being able to provide health insurance for there spouse. I support the right to be joined as one. I support the right to not have there jobs endangered by bigotry. I support the right to not have to hide. I support the right to adopt and raise a family. I support my friends, neighbors and loved ones.

With this being said I dedicate this post to the following people: Steven, Shaun, Tom, Joe, Frank, Kurt, Nate, Terry, Chas, Rhonda, Jeanie, Sally, Ron, Hertman, Glen and Gary. I dedicate his to all those who I know and love and to all those that I do not.

2009-10-10T00:44:00.003-04:00

Saturday 9: Lie to Me

1. Can you tell when someone is lying to you?

Yes! I have an excellent BS detector. There are times I let it go just to listen to the tale unwind. Other times I pull it out on the carpet and expose it for what it is.

2. Tell us about one of your flaws. Do you live with it or try to correct it?

Pride. I am a prideful person. I know who I am and what I want, I do not mind reminding people. I work on it quite frequently but occasionally it sneaks up.

3. When was the last time you laughed hard and what struck you as funny?

I find humor in many things. My husband and brother in law can sometimes make me laugh until I forget to breathe. If you can not see the humor then you can not enjoy the world.

4. Tell us about a time when you should have tried harder.

When my Nana was alive to keep in contact and learn to forgive her. I loved her a lot and I still look up to her in some ways.

5. If you won the lottery, what would you buy first?

Paying my bills is the sensible response. However, a cruise for Aeon and I.

6. What movie do you know every word to?

Gone in 60 Seconds, Armageddon, The Wedding Singer and most Disney flicks.

7. What was the best thing that happened to you this week?

Spending a couple hours Monday night in bed with Aeon doing nothing but talking.

8. What was the worst thing that happened to you this week?

My 6 year old was sick on Thursday. She recovered quick just a 24 hour thing.

9. What do you think is the biggest difference between men and women?
Aside from the obvious physical differences...not much. As a species we have grown so much. Now a days women are hunter/gatherers and men are the nurturers. Men aren't the only ones who bring home the bacon now.

FFF #7- A Lesson Learned

2009-10-09T13:30:00.003-04:00

She waited. Half hearted she waited. She knew it was a threat. He would never follow through. He wouldn't dare.

He walked into the room and saw her. He knew she was mocking him. Knew that she doubted him. He knew she was just a smug little brat of a woman.

"Well come on with it" she told him" I don't have all day for your nonsense. "teach me a lesson" if your man enough."

Man enough? She must be taught! He grabbed her hair and with a steady motion he landed the paddle hard. She had learned her lesson.

Friday Fill-In

2009-10-09T00:12:00.002-04:00

And...here we go!

1. Sweet dreams are made of this fooling a mind to disagree.
(Thank you Annie Lenox)

2. Aeon smiles especially for me.

3. Silliness is contagious.

4. My 4th anniversary is this Halloween.

5. Outstanding or not my boobs are big.

6. A sound spanking and an orgasm is what I want right now!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward tosex,sex & more sex, tomorrow my plans include signing up for yet another sewing class and Sunday, I want to sleep late!

Thursday 13

2009-10-08T20:19:00.003-04:00

Thursday 13...13 reasons I Love October

1) My anniversary is October 31! Yes I know that is Halloween. To make it better we got married in a mausoleum in a grave yard in costume! It was great!

2) My birthday! I will be all of 35 this year.

3) Changing of the leaves. I loves the colors.

4) Haunted Houses. I love to be scared by things that go bump in the night and hide under the bed.

5) Rocky Horror Picture Show. Even if no one will dress up and go with me I still love it.

6) Charlie Brown. Rather "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" I just love holiday cartoons.

7) Candy. Some of the best candy comes out in October. I mean really what other time of year can get Bag O' Blood candy?

8) Pumpkins. Any size or shape.

9) Jack-O-Lanterns. Not the same as pumpkins. Carved up in scary grins or funny faces I love to see them.

10) Costumes. I love to play dress up! Come on now who among us in the blogging world doesn't love a little dress up.

11) Sweetest Day. Yet another day in October for me to get gifts! Yippy!

12) Caramel Apples. Yummy and gooey! My favorite is the tart goodness of Granny Smith apples in the ooey gooeyness of caramel, all on a stick!

13) Birthday Spankings! Warm, tantalizing and erotic Birthday Spankings! 35 yummy swats this year!

Happy TMI!!

2009-10-06T16:04:00.003-04:00

1. What is your underwear "style" of choice?

I prefer comando however when the need arises for panties I go the boy short way.

2. How old were you when you had your first sexual experience?

I was around 15 or so.

3. What about a potential partner turns you on?

Eyes and humor. Aeon has soulful eyes and no one has ever been able to make me laugh the way he does.

4. Have you ever played a game which may require you or others to disrobe?

It has been so long ago...but, yes, yes I have.

5. Given or received finger scratch marks during sexual activity?

I love to give and receive.

Bonus:
How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?

I would say 7. However I was young oh so very young and still had not been given the gift of the orgasm yet. Now a days maybe 2x in a day but oh so many more orgasms.

Happy TMI!!

2009-10-04T18:51:00.004-04:00

This morning was one of those lazy days. Aeon and I just laid around and did very little. I read and he surfed the net while we both lounged in bed. I decided I needed a nap. Aeon brought me close to him and curled himself around the curves of my body. I could feel his heart beat steady on my chest. I felt his breathe warm on my neck. The fingers of his left hand explored my chest. I reacted. I groaned and my breathing became heavy and labored. I pressed my bottom against his hard cock and just ground my rear into it. He pinched my nipples and bit my neck. I was in heaven. This went on for a little while until I begged. I begged him to take me. I begged him to be inside of me. He laughed that wicked laugh that tells me not so fast. He told me to prove it. Prove how much I wanted him. I rolled over to him and started working his nipple with my mouth. I worked his other nipple with my fingers. Pinching and biting. I was beyond aroused. I begged again. Please let me have you. He rolled me over onto my back and took me. He took me hard and fast and it was amazing! I came in a wave of ecstasy! Holy canoli it was good. It was a quickie, but sometimes that's all you need.

(And yes, that is our bed)

FFF #6-His Alone

2009-10-02T00:02:00.002-04:00

He had watched her. For years he followed her. Attended every performance. Sent her flowers. Lilies were her favorite. He shared her with so many. Now was the time. Now she was his and his alone.

She had always been his. Since he first saw her perform. He loved her. She would learn to love him. Now as her career ended, she would dance for him alone. She would move for him alone.

He placed the leather cuffs around her ankles. He sat back and watched as she went up on point. He watched knowing that she belonged to him.

Give Me Enough Rope

2009-09-29T20:27:00.005-04:00

I was a willful child to say the least. I was born with an attitude. I did things simply because I could or I wanted to. I did not act out for attention. I was crying out for help. I was just strong willed and determined.

I drove my parents crazy. My father would yell and scream and throw things.He would lift big chairs above his head and shake them. He would pick me up by my braid. But, I never folded. I knew the beating was coming and I never folded.

My oldest sister would cry and beg. Please just stop please. She would call our mother and cry that she thought dad would kill me. Sill, I never folded. If I had something to say I was going to be heard. If I wanted something I took it. If I wanted to do something it got done. I was a terror.

Fast forward now to the present. I am still strong willed. I am still willful. I still do not fold (easily). I will still do my best to be heard. I am still a handful.

Aeon is laid back. He is a watcher. He sees the things I do and hears what I say and still he waits. He waits until I have gone to far. He is very much the give her enough rope kind of guy.

When all is said and done he responds. He responds by letting me know what I have done and exactly how he feels about it. He responds most often by ignoring me.

I know this does not seem conventional but I HATE IT! When he ignores me I feel lost. i feel abandoned. I feel at odds with myself.

He feels this is the best course of action. I disagree. Granted I have a stubborn streak. I do at times antagonize him needlessly. As I have gotten older I have developed some attention seeking behaviors. I do tend to push buttons in groups of people just to see how he will react.

With all this in mind, I am hoping for some help from my readers. Am I right? Is Aeon right? What do you think? What would you do differently?

Food For Thought or Do You See What I See

2009-09-27T22:57:00.004-04:00

Well friends there I was standing in the snack section of my local convenience store when what does my sister see......

An interesting little candy. Now if your mind is anything at all like my sister and I, then well you most likely see little candy penis's.

As we stood and laughed I was compelled to purchase these sugar coated phallic symbols. I took them home and showed Aeon. He thought they were funny as all get out. They don't taste to bad. Not the worst peter I have ever had all be it the smallest.

So bloggers I leave you with image of sugar coated penis's dancing in your head.

Enjoy!

The Nook

2009-09-26T09:20:00.007-04:00

I sit here in my nook and think about all the things I read. I am a blog junky. I am a verbal voyeur. The idea of sitting in my own home and peering into the lives of others from my nook is tantalizing.

I read about break ups. I read about weight loss. I read about spanking and its many implements. I read about anything I can.

The blog world has been very educational for me as well. Here I have learned terms that I did not know. However, some things I wish I hadn't discovered. I have learned what the symbols and flags on some blogs mean. I have learned what OTK and TPE mean. I have learned that eggs are NOT just for breakfast and baking and cucumbers are not just for salad.

I have learned about the love and meaning of collaring and about the ceremonies that most time accompany it. I have learned that there is no true right or wrong definition to love. I have gained understanding.

I have learned that I am not alone. That Aeon and I are not freaks that nature spit out into the world. I have learned that a label is something most of us give ourselves. I have learned that others did not have to be my BFF all my life to understand me or for me to understand them.

My time on the blogs is my me time. It is the time that I spend alone with my music learning and experiencing life outside of here. I read the blogs I follow and some I don't in a way that is like sitting in cafe' together having coffee and muffins. I feel closer to the people I read about. I feel for them when times are hard and I am excited when things are good. I pray for them when they experience loss and I rejoice when they find happiness.

I am a blog junky. I sit in my nook and follow the lives of my fellow bloggers. I am a verbal voyeur. I look forward to reading the words that let me into all of your lives. For this I thank all of you for the courage to share your words, your lives, your souls and your experiences.

Thank you.

Friday Fill-Ins

2009-09-25T09:27:00.004-04:00

And...here we go!

1. One week ago I participated in my 1st FFF.

2. I wanted to be an orange ice cream cone when I was young.

3. Mama told me to hold my head up.

4. A quiet day with just you and me.

5. Take your time Rome wasn't built in a day.

6. Cars will pass!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to cuddling in Aeon's arms, tomorrow my plans include cleaning and Sunday, I want to be lazy!

FFF-The Gift

2009-09-25T08:56:00.002-04:00

She sat at the end of the bed. My gift. Soft and fierce, she smelled of jasmine. Her eyes were enchanting.

I wasted no time. I removed my clothes and kneeled at her feet. I waited. With every move I could smell the sweet aroma of jasmine and womanhood. My body shook anticipation.

Slowly she slid 2 fingers into the soft folds of my sticky wet womanhood. She knew I was ready. I dripped with wanting. I was to count, after each number I was to thank you for my gifts. 10 turned 20 and so on.

I love birthdays.

2009-09-22T00:41:00.001-04:00

Leson learned...when Aeons rules are respected Aeons Angel is rewarded with multiple O's! It was oooooo,oooooo,ooooo may I please soooooo heavenly!

Friday Fill-ins

2009-09-18T08:11:00.003-04:00

And...here we go!

1. My car is a mini van that smells like french fries and feet.

2. Saturday is coming up next.

3. Lately, things seem dreamy.

4. Office Max is one of my favorite 'hiding' places.

5. What happened to people having manners?

6. A loving spanking is not impossible!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to cuddling with Aeon, tomorrow my plans include shopping for bra's and Sunday, I want to lay in bed and make love with Aeon!

FFF-What He Left Behind

2009-09-18T00:24:00.002-04:00

He was done.

The room was empty.
The bed was made.
My soul called to him.
I can still feel him on my skin.
His lips on my chest.
The smell of his cologne lingered in the air.
I could taste his manliness on my tongue.
I reached down to feel the wetness between my legs.
I tasted it on my fingers and smelled it in the air.
My woman hood was swollen, tender.
I looked in the mirror and saw his teeth marks on my breast.
I turned around and lowered my panties.
There on my behind was his hand.

My 1st HNT- My 1st Tattoo

2009-09-17T21:54:00.004-04:00

This was my 1st tattoo. The outline was 1st and then the gentleman finished a few months later with the shading and color.

It is symbolic for. I always rise from the ashes when everyone things I'm done.

The Electric Touch

2009-09-16T20:10:00.004-04:00

This post was started on Wednesday. It took me until today to finish. I hope you all will understand.

That's what this morning was. Sir stayed home today with a "migraine". I quickly found out that Sir stayed home for me. He is/was concerned that I was not letting go of the control. He was right (see previous post). I have always been a bit of a control freak. That is part of the reason why I relish the idea of a D/s lifestyle. The problem was I was half hearted. I recognize that now.

This morning was about control or rather letting go of control. It was about testing my limits and taking me just that bit more past them. Was I willing to give up the control I so desperately cling to? Was I truly able to trust him the way I always say I do? Could I release my self enough to be "his"?

Recently Sir and I purchased 3 yards of black vinyl material. Latex is one of Sirs favorite materials. Along with that we also purchased a pattern. It was quite nice and had everything we were looking for. Our hope is to save a little money and create the vinyl outfit of our desire. With this idea in mind I will be taking a sewing class.

This morning Sir took the 3 yards of fabric and wrapped it soft shiny side down all around me. My arms were flat to my sides, my legs immobilized in the folds of the fabric and my feet tucked neatly inside the soft vinyl. It seemed like hours that I was wrapped up under his body, face down immobile. The reality was it was only 45 minutes or so.

I laid there as he touched me in a soft yet assertive way. The kind of way that says "You are mine & I cherish you." The feeling of being immobilized and having no control at all and his touch was unbearable. My breathing was quick and deep. I moaned, making a sound I do not recall ever escaping my body. My took over. I writhed and ungulates with the desire to meet his touch. He kissed me or rather the me that was encased in a vinyl cocoon. He kissed every part of me he could reach. He spanked my behind in such a way it was amazing. It was not about discipline or pain it was about the feeling. The feeling of giving over to him. It was overpowering.

I felt so scared. So scared of the feelings I was experiencing. Scared of the emotions that were pulsing through my veins. Scared of the way my body responded to him. Scared that I had crossed a threshold that I could never come back from.

Yet at the same time I felt free. I do not recall ever in 34 years feeling completely free. I felt as if nothing was tethering me this world. As if I was floating freely. I felt like he had untied the bonds that held me to my control. I gave over. I let go. I felt every touch, every kiss, every spank, every breath of air he blew on my body. I was his. I was released. I was free.

When he was done touching me while I was face down he rolled me onto my side and unwrapped me. I was relieved. For a moment. He laid on the bed with all of his manliness exposed. I could feel the hair on his chest. It was soft and beautiful and warm. It felt new to me. I have been rubbing that same hair for 15 years and yet it was as if I had never touched him before. His body felt foreign to me. Every time I touched him or he touched me it was like a charge through my body.

As we laid there exploring each others bodies he covered himself with the black vinyl, shiny side out. He instructed me to lay on top of him in my nakedness and touch him. Touch him with my lips. Touch him with my fingers. Touch him with my lips. Touch him with my tongue. Touch him with my body. As I touched him it felt like little electric charges pulsing out of my body. My body was out of control. My breathing was labored and my emotions were raw. Sir began to touch me. Gently and lightly caressing my body. Then spanking me double handed one on each cheek. I could feel his lips on my neck and his hand in my hair. I could feel the touch of his hand on my breast.

"Look at me." He said with his bright and voice husky. "I said look at me." And I did. For a moment I looked at him and further into the abyss I drifted. I could no longer handle the raw emotions I felt. I was afraid. Afraid of myself. Afraid of my feelings. Afraid of having no control left at all. I wanted it to stop. I wanted my control back. I wanted to Scream to God to take me. At the same moment I wanted to feel Sir's touch. I needed him as I have never needed him before. It was primal. Absolutely outer worldly. He told me this was what is was about. It was about pushing limits. It was about feeling the loss of control. It was about giving myself over. It was about learning. Learning to trust him. Learning to let go. Learning to enjoy pleasure. To enjoy it with all of my being. I did. I enjoyed. I felt. I gave up control. I trusted him as I had never done before. I let go.

When he released me we laid side by side. Still touching but in a different way now. We talked. We talked about what I had experienced and how I felt about it. My breathing still wouldn't return to normal. My body was still charged. I felt over stimulated. I was still afraid. My head was swimming trying to process all of the emotions I felt. I was confused. I understood nothing. I wanted logic. I wanted a place for everything and everything in its place. I wanted my emotions and my feelings neatly boxed in a row. I wanted to hide.

After a bit I still couldn't come down. My body was still fully charged and the rest of me still swimming in confusion. I didn't want to be touched and yet I felt I needed to be. I laid wrapped in his arms,pressed against his body. Safe in his love. He knew I was afraid. Knew that I was overwhelmed with emotions I was feeling. Knew that constant feeling of his electric touch was pushing me further. He told me to shower. He told me to take some time to come down.

I went. I stood in the shower as cold as my body could stand it and let the water wash over me. My mind started to calm. I was able to begin to focus. I didn't feel as charged as before. I felt peaceful. I was serene. I was Sir's. I was complete.

Sir thinks maybe I should have 10 minutes or so a day of wrapped up reflection time. A time for me to experience control. A time for me to remember that I am a sub. A time for me to reflect. Sir has not instituted this yet. I will keep you updated if he does.

Face lifts, name change and doodads

2009-09-16T01:45:00.005-04:00

Face Lifts

I have spent the better part of last evening with my sister the blog queen. You see I am blogger chalenged. Now I can right and post pics, but she does the hard stuff. She finds my widgets and doodads and cool little counters. I pick the lay out or templates and she tweeks them. I am greatly indebted to her.

And yes, in case it isn't obvious, she is well aware of my life style choice and is wuiter suppotive and fascinated.

Name Change

As you might notice I am no longer going with the initial T. Many moons ago I had another blog a since deleted (by choice) blog. It was Aeon's Angel. Sir and I have talked it over and decided that Aeon's Angel was a far better name choice than boring old T, and much more fitting.

Doodads

Again as mentioned before my sister has added what I think are some nifty little doodads. I am easily amused at times so these things just thrilled me. If anybody knows of any other doodas please let me know as I am a doodad junky.